Deep [Book One]

Five

Kehzia

Right about now, I was bored out of my skull and a bored Kehzia was a problem. Usually i wouldn't feel like this but today was one of those days where i wasn't thinking too much. I thanked God for that but boredom struck when i didn't have things to occupy my mind with. So i decided that watching some television might help. I wasn't a big fan of watching tv but it'll have to do for now. I was watching a repeat of Real Housewives of Atlanta but I wasn't really paying much attention because my mind knew this episode, so it wasn't easy to enjoy it like I hoped. Reality television was a horrible distraction but was also one of my guilty pleasures. I thought it would be entertaining as always but i craved a different type of distraction. I tossed and turned on the couch, not very comfortable with my entire self right now. The weather looked good for a walk but I wasn't even in the mood for that. I sighed, frustrated but also too lazy to get off the couch completely. My body went limp because i gave up.

My phone buzzed, Indicating a text from Maya. She was asking what I was up to. I told her how I was feeling and she said she was on her way over.

I didn't protest to her coming here. I was open to it. I needed the company because I was sick of myself honestly. I was still stuck in wanting to get out of this phase I'm in and staying the way i was because it was what I've known for so long. My mind was constantly at a battle because as much as i knew better, i was still scared. I was afraid of letting people too close. I was afraid of getting hurt. I was afraid of actually loving someone and they leave me hanging. I had all these issues i needed to work through and i was afraid that I'll never be ok again but i had to try.

Deciding to clean up a bit I didn't want her thinking I was a slob, I straightened the lounge a bit and quickly cleaned the kitchen. Pushing away all negative thoughts as well. She gave me a call, letting me know she was here. I walked down, meeting her at the stairs. I saw Erik come down and I suddenly became nervous. I wasn't planning on seeing him, especially while I was looking the way I was. I didn't put much effort in today. It was one of those days. He walked past me without saying a word. I remembered that he owed me a slice of pizza but I figured he paid for the whole thing so he was entitled to a slice. I watched him as he walked, thinking why i always had this feeling when i saw him. Like i felt a sudden need to talk to him or i was bothered by how he viewed me. I shook it off and placed my eyes on Maya who was walking past Erik at this point.

Maya walked towards me, checking Erik out who was now getting into his car.

"Damn, he is fine girl." She spoke as she neared me. She had this huge grin on her face.

I just rolled my eyes at her. We walked up to my apartment and once inside, I offered her something to drink.

"So I was thinking, maybe we should go to a local bar tonight. Just to check out the night life. Get you out and about a bit."

"I'm not going to lie. A huge part of me wants to say no but I've been thinking that maybe i need to get out more. Being home over the holidays made me realize that my life isn't as fulfilling as i want it to be." I spoke with ease because i was comfortable with Maya. I knew she was here for me. As much as our growing friendship freaked me out a bit, this was an opportunity for me to do things right.

"That's the best thing i have ever heard you say...but i don't mean to pry. I honestly just want to understand you more. Why were you so closed off when we first met?"

Deciding to be honest and open with Maya, i told her why i didn't want to get close in the beginning. "Where do i begin? I've always thought i was horrible at keeping friends. I have major issues with keeping in touch with people. I would always get the blame if a friendship died. I blamed my lack of normal human communication skills but in all honesty...it had a lot to do with my depression."