What's a Hero Without a Villain?

Multi-tasking; an extreme sport

It was Saturday, and like I promised Audrey, I was in line to meet and greet the one and only Righteous Falcon. As if I didn't just have dinner with him last chapter.

"Oh my God! Can you believe it? We're going to meet him! Ahhhh I think I might barf from excitement!" She squealed holding onto my arm. Which was okay, arm holding was one step away from hand holding. I grinned back at her. Seeing her happy was always the bonus of my day, even if I was missing out on a perfect villainous opportunity.😑

"So what are you going to say when you meet him?" I asked knowing she probably already had a script ready at hand.

"Hmmm I don't know. I didn't really think about what I would say. I doubt I'll be able to say anything near him. Please make sure I'm not a stuttering mess," she said sheepishly.

"Oh come on Audrey! Just tell him your his biggest fangirl and that he's got a smoking hot bod!"I said dramatically making my voice a bit high to sound like a girl.

"Stop it! I do not sound like that!" She laughed and seemed to relax a bit. "But yeah, I'll tell him that I really appreciate all his hard work making this city safer. And then I'll ask him to sign this newspaper." She pulled out an older looking paper. The front page was the first time Chicken man was introduced as a superhero. I remember that day clearly because it just so happened to be the same day I became a villain. Boy were my parents disappointed.

"Lame! You should make him sign your bra!"

"Knock it off Tom! Why don't you let him sign your bra? I know you have one. Because you dressed up as a new girl to get out of taking that biology test freshman year. " she doubled over laughing.

"Jokes on you! I was a hot girl." I winked, but that only made her laugh harder. 

We waited for another ten minutes, but the line went no where. Was Chicken man even here? Bri would have said he was sucking Mr. Perfect's nonexistent dick. 

"Excuse me Ms?" I tapped on the shoulder of the women in front of us with two screaming kids dressed up as Mr. Perfect and Chicken man. She turned around and gave us a warm smile, but it was obvious she was exhausted and needed a break. 

"Yes?"

"Do you know if Ch- Righteous Falcon is already up there?" I asked almost calling him Chicken man from habit. That would be embarrassing. 

"No, but I hope it's not too long. I have to give these guys a nap soon." She laughed weakly as we stared down at the rambunctious little gremlins. 

"Oh man! I really wanted to meet him!" Audrey was disappointed. And I couldn't have Chicken man not show up after all the hype she put into this greet and meet. That's when I got this stupid idea of pretending to be a bad guy and maybe he might just show up to "save the day". Sometimes being an evil villain has it's perks. 

"Yeah that sucks. Hey I need to pee, I'm gonna-" I quickly walked away pointing into a direction where I was heading. I didn't know if dark alleys had bathrooms, but hey it's not like I actually needed to go. Okay maybe I needed to go a little bit, but now was not the time. 

The alley mainly had dumpsters with trash over flowing and garbage bags ripped open with litter lying around. It wasn't much of a sight, but if spiderman can change here without getting caught, then so can I. Besides if someone found out my secret identity, that wouldn't help the plot move along... or would it? Well not in a way the author would have intended. 

Thankfully I always pack my mask and super skinny spandex suit, which I really hate putting on. At least it isn't rubber! I can't imagine how Aqua Dude must feel. So after changing and all that jazz, I left my backpack in the cleaner area and hoped to God no stray animal will eat my beef jerky. I love me some beef jerky. 

Ok so what should I do to attract Chicken Man's attention? Perched on one of the many balconies, I stared down at the crowd of people waiting for their favorite super hero. There must have been at least a hundred. Let's see....

Looking down at my lonely friend, I came up with the best plan ever. Grinning like I just won the lottery, I stood up tall and started my evil villain speech.

"Ladies, gentlemen and other fellow humans, it is I Quick Silver, here to prove once and for all that I am the worst villain in all of Townsville history! Muahahaha!" I bellowed hoping everyone heard my horribly improvised speech.

Thankfully the screams and chaos started, allowing me to quickly swoop down and enter the erratic crowd without bringing too much attention on myself. My superpower is pretty stupid; being able to steal anything and go unnoticed is the absolute worst when you're trying to get people to notice how awesome of a villain you truly are. Luckily I was able to spot Audrey with in seconds.

"Sup beautiful," I hummed and threw her over my shoulder before she was able to scream for help. She wiggled and kicked, almost hitting my face. "Quit it!" I hissed and jumped up and down a bit.

Now where to take my captive? Scanning the area, which was hard to do with people acting like headless chicken, I saw the stage Chicken Man was supposed to be on. Apparently the mayor wanted to give a speech about how great he was and hand him a medal? I don't know it's always the same stuff.

But the stage was the perfect place to keep my hostage and make a scene. After pushing my way through the crowd, I managed to be on top of the stage with a very terrified looking best friend by my side.  I grabbed one of the microphones and cleared my throat hoping to get their attention.

"Hello again citizens of Townsville! I managed to kidnap someone as hostage so you wouldn't be able to stop the horrors that await this crappy place! Muahahah! Behold as I blow up the mayor's office and take control of this city! No one will be able to stop me now! Muahahahha!" I shouted into the mic which only amplified my already disgustingly hoarse voice. I hated my altered voice almost as much as when I hear my normal voice on audio.

"Stop right there Quick Silver!" Someone shouted from on top of one of the many buildings. Everyone, including me, looked over to see the bright colors that could only belong to Chicken Man.

"Oh my God it's Righteous Falcon!" Audrey cried hopping and popping like it was Christmas morning. She was so happy and her smile so pretty it was kind of hard to focus on Chicken Man's speech. Which was literally the worst thing that I could do because I was too focused on Audrey I didn't even see him swoop down in his falcon form and attack me.

His sharp claws penetrated my neck and the cheap fabric store instantly. I knew I should have invested in a better suit, but honestly this whole thing was like one of my many school projects; I was winging it so hard and everything was last minute.

"Ahhh what the-" My hand instinctively reached to touch my neck and as I pulled back it was dripping warm blood. This was going to be harder to cover than a hickey, that's for sure.

"Shit!" I whispered as the bird transformed into a huge rhino. He did that thing with his hooves and ran straight toward me. "Shit shit shit!" I screamed jumping out of the way.

Before he could come at me again I tore down one of the curtains and threw it over him. Sure he wasn't a bill and the cloth was blue, but I think it still has the same effect. He tumbled around the stage unable to untangle himself. If I hadn't been running around to save my own life I'd totally laugh my ass off.

Then he transformed into something else. The curtain containing him ripped and out sprung a raging tiger.

"Well fuck me."