Helpless Luna

1- R A I N

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"Like a caterpillar we weave a cocoon of thoughts, doubts , and fantasies , slowly suffocating ourselves ."

-Shams Tabrizi
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   |Altheia|
How can I run away from myself ?
How can I stop the self-loathing ?
I am drowning by my own thoughts .
I am suffocating .

I love the rain not because of it's sound or smell but because I can cry without feeling shameful.
Yes I do hate crying , I always thought that it's a sign of helplessness and weaknesses.

Crying in the rain doesn't make me feel weak though . Because I am not crying by myself , the goddess of werewolves does too by raining .
that's my theory I guess .
Or maybe I am becoming crazy .

Why am I crying ? Not because I am now the mate of ílios , and not because I betrayed my mate by not waiting for him . No !

I am crying because I can't live without my wolf ,Layell, anymore.
We are the same person , we have a bond, we share everything.
Being separated of her is like getting stabbed multiple times .
How can a werewolf live without his wolf without his soul?
That's how I am right now.
Soulless

"layell , please I can still feel you deep down .
I can't do this anymore , don't leave alone .
I begging you"

Silence.

"You know I did the right thing ! We saved our pack , our alpha !
We were the strongest werewolf back then .
Layell , you know very well that if we didn't become luna everything was going to be a mess"

Silence.

"Listen to me , I am hurting more then you ,
I am with someone that I don't love .
The pack is our priority that's how we were raised . The pack comes before mates"

Silence.

" Stop being selfish ! Just stop .
You are such a coward. You didn't say no when I made my decision.
You were partially ok with it Remember .
So why now ! Why are you doing this to me .
Layell!"

"come here or else I am going to mate ílios today ! My mark will last forever then , and you won't ever have a chance with our real mate .
You know that rejection doesn't exist .
I swear I am going to do it ! You know he loves me .
He will be thrilled"

Silence.

"Ok then , obviously you hate me intensively. Well tonight you are going to hate me more "

"Do it"

"wwhat . Lllayell ...
I heard you . Am I going crazy?"

"No you heard me right . Do it .
Our real mate doesn't deserve us"
she said sounding sad

"what are you saying .
I don't understand anything. You would do anything to be with him . So why now ?"
I replied confused.

"just do it"

"I am not doing anything. I deserve an explanation why were you not talking to me all these years? Why now!"

"I was protecting you"

"From who ?Explain !" I said very angry

"No, it .. just forget about it"

"damn it ! Layell tell me what happend. Why did you leave me ? Why did you block me ? Why did you block your emotions from me"

"Because I didn't want you to feel the betrayal that I felt ."

"what does this supposed to mean ?"