IT USED TO BE YOU

He felt lonely and sad, and in that moment he realized that the nickname Gossip Girl put him suited him perfectly.

Lonely Boy.

Rufus had come back to the loft a few weeks ago and Jenny was in town so besides of them he didn't talk to anyone else.

He just didn't want to realize it but when his dad went for a tour around the whole country and his sister had left the city to visit his mom in Hudson, he was lonely again; and he knew that if he hadn't uttered those words to her maybe he wouldn't be this Lonely

"Serena, there is no us. There's only you. And now that our parents are splitting up I never have to see you again."

He wanted to go back and strangle himself as the words came out of his mouth, apologize to her, to tell her that he didn't mean what he said but there weren't Gossip Girl blasts about her so he had no idea where Serena was.

He knew that he was supposed to be mourning his relationship with Blair but he couldn't; in fact, he was relieved that it was all over between them, Blair never really loved him and deep down he knew she was going to end up with Chuck, eventually.

He was depressed so he started to clean up the loft to entertain himself. He cleaned Jenny's bedroom, he cleaned his bedroom and his dad's bedroom as well. He decided it was time to clean up his wallet too, since it was getting pretty full and the zipper barely shut.

He picked a random and wrinkled paper that looked like it could be 5 years old, and when he saw that it was a bill of an appetizer and a $78 duck order, his heart dropped.

In that single moment he got it and he understood why he felt this way.

He loved Serena. He really loved her, and he broke her heart. He remembered how he used to love her, he waited his entire life for getting a shot with Serena van der Woodsen, and when he finally got it he had to kiss Georgina, and even though they tried again he didn't want her to be Serena. All that glamorous life wasn't cut out for him, I mean he was Dan Humphrey back then and he wanted her to be more like Vanessa, less rich and polish and more simple and easy.

After realizing he still had feelings for her he tried to fight against Aaron for Serena and he won but their parents got in the way and then they found out that they shared a sibling.

They stopped trying and he started dating random girls like Olivia, he then fell a little for Vanessa like he always knew they would; but when Serena was broken by her father he held her and he understood that he still loved her. After all this time, he still was the only person she could always count on.

But then Nate got in the way and he wasn't that positive about their relationship and well... he pushed her to choose between him and Nate. Then there was Colin and Ben and he was so hurt that he didn't want to try anymore, but he knew that Serena was testing him and trying to see if he could wait for her to be ready and he failed.

He fell for Blair but he never fully loved her the way he loved Serena.

Serena was the one that he loved and he rejected her and destroyed her after creating an expose of Sabrina, the Golden Girl with daddy issues.

So he picked up his phone and scrolled the screen until he saw her name, he pressed the dial button and when he heard the voice in the other end of the line, he could hear his heart breaking as the seconds passed.

Hi! This is Serena van der Woodsen's boyfriend, who's this?

He had known that voice since he had heard it in that party where he met Serena; it was Nathaniel Archibald's voice.