King's Guard Series

Broken

Gardenian - Loss

Walker

Walking from sleep in a cold sweat, I can feel that something is missing. Something is not right and I can't explain it. Part of me is terrified, and my chest feels hollow. What is it, what's that feeling that seems to split me open like an egg? Sitting on the edge of my bed, I shiver as the sweat cools on my skin. Stumbling out of bed, I reach the stove, pulling the door open to feed a couple of pieces of timber into the belly of the beast. The flames within stir sluggishly, as though they feel as enervated as I do. Something about the way that they seem so lack lustre troubles me deeply. I want to pick up the phone, reach out to anyone, so that I am not alone with my fears. After more time pacing than I care to admit, I phone down to Evangeline.

"Something is wrong."

"What do you mean, mon petit chou?"

"Something is wrong. I don't feel right, I feel-------hollow. I feel--------strange."

"I will bring you some tea and you may speak, yes?"

"Thank you Evangeline."

She ends the call, and fifteen minutes later, I open my door to her. She carries in a tray bearing a pot of tea and two cups. She can't actually drink the stuff, though she would pour a cup just to share the moment with me. I glance at her and move aside some of my homework to make room for the tray.

"I woke up in a cold sweat, and I feel-------wrong. This is not my bipolar playing up, or anything like that, so don't suggest it. This is more than that, this is part of me missing. The only thing that would cause such a state------."

My throat closes over with terror at the thought. I know that he's gone, but I can't admit it to anyone, not even to myself. I don't want him to be gone, not yet, not before I had a chance to know him, to secure our relationship together. To have lost him like this without actually being able to fight for him, is more than I can bear. Evangeline catches me as I collapse, and lifts me onto my bed. It is a good thing she is a vampire and can lift me easily. As I lie on the bed, I sob like a baby, broken inside for the last time. If I have lost him then I don't want to live. I don't want to spend this lifetime knowing that I had come so close, and yet I had fallen so far short of achieving some measure of happiness with my mate. Evangeline lays beside me, as she did when I was a pup, stroking my hair, while I sob into my pillow. At some time in the small hours of the morning, I fall into an exhausted sleep, spent from crying.

A knock on my door wakes me with a fright. Confused and distraught after last night, I can barely function. The knock sounds again, and I manage to answer in a croaky voice.

"Yes?"

"Walker, honey, Prince Ammon is here."

"I-------I know--------Mother."

"May I come in?"

I manage to make it to the door to let her in. She takes in the hair sticking out in all directions, the dark circles under my eyes and lastly the grief stricken expression in my eyes.

"I'm so sorry Walker, I believed as much as you did, that he was a fighter. Whatever happens, I will shield you as much as I can. I had hoped that I would not have to comfort you like this, but here we are my son. I won't ask you to be strong, I can't ask that. All I will ask you, is to trust that I am here for you, in whatever capacity you need."

"Please just--------let him know that I'll be a few minutes? I need a shower and--------."

"Of course, Walker, I'll let him know immediately."

"Thank you Mother." I manage.

She kisses my cheek softly, squeezes my hand and leaves me to shower. I don't want to go to face him, but I know that I have to. I know that I have to deal with this, as much for me as it is for the Prince. I know that he loves Nefertum at least as much as I do. Whether his feelings are mate feelings or not, I know that there's a strong bond between them. I cannot resent him for this, though I wish I could have been there when my mate passed away. I would have liked to say good bye to him one last time. Dressed in a decent pair of jeans, a t-shirt and hoodie, I have sheepskin boots on and my favourite scarf. Taking the stairs with care, I feel my heart crack with each step. Mother meets me at the bottom of the stairs and leads me to the big formal office. She closes the door and takes up her seat before she nods to Prince Ammon. He nods to her, stands awkwardly, and approaches me. I can see that his eyes are red and puffy from crying, making this horribly real to me. He says nothing at first, simply putting his arms around me and holding me close. It takes me a little while, before I reach out and wrap my arms around his waist. That's it for me, I break down again, shattered by the loss. This is not the outcome that I wanted. I'm so distraught, that I did not notice that someone else was in the room.