Patience - A Yanan Love Story

1

"If you wanna find love then you know where the city is..." - The 1975 

 I don't like talking about my past - or thinking about it for that matter. People who have a past that's as unpleasant as mine would likely agree that talking and thinking is a most painful procedure. The most difficult part is when it comes in waves that crash so hard there's nothing you can do except let it wash over you.

I had 19 hours worth of waves, and by the time I arrived at Incheon International Airport I was beyond exhausted. Thinking of the gorgeously grueling task of just getting to my apartment gave me so much anxiety I wanted to scream. Sure, the months leading up to the big move I practiced as much Korean as my tiny brain could handle (without any sort of guidance whatsoever), but language alone can't prepare you for foreign landscapes. 

As I walk out after getting my luggage, I immediately spot a tall, dark haired man that any passerby would immediately mistake for being my brother. Okay so not mistakenly, he is my brother, Raoul, and as I approach he has a massive grin on his face. I hate him, honestly. Not really, but I've always envied him. 

If I'm the darkness, he's truly the light, and I love him for it. 

"HELLO YOU DORK!" he exclaims, and engulfs me in a massive hug that causes all the oxygen to escape my lungs. "How was the great trek?"

"Well I've made it this far, but it's not entirely over, is it?", my expression a slight grimace. 

"Ah well, you have me now, okay? I've had your back for the past 21 years, and that's not about to change," he says with a hint of pride. 

That's not stricty true, but that's just my own perspective. In any case, I have no intention of throwing out objections after I've just gotten off the longest flight of my life. 

"Well, thanks for just like, being here and stuff. I appreciate it a lot," I say, and I mean it. 

He takes over my luggage trolley and we head out of the airport to catch a cab. Raoul doesn't have a car, you see. He says you don't really need one in this city, and he's been living comfortably here for the past 8 years so I'll take his word for it. 

"I'm really glad your place isn't that far from mine. Like, I would've been stressed out of my mind if your work was in Daegu or wherever. 

I completely forgot to mention why the hell I've moved to Seoul in the first place. I got a job at the Buzzfeed office here - it was a damn difficult job to get in the first place. I didn't really have a plan after I graduated, so with no idea what I wanted to with my life (except wanting to get out of the dark hole that is South Africa) I just started looking at jobs.. well, everywhere really. Korea specifically because I figured it's a plus having a friendly face if I'm going to move to whole entirely different country. 

---

Two hours later I'm standing outside my new apartment block.

"Well, do you have any intention of going inside?" my brother asks hesitantly. 

"Yeah, sorry. I'm just... surprised, that's all," I say. 

"Surprised about what, Rox?" 

"I thought that maybe I'd - well, I thought that maybe I'd feel something. Like, now that I'm finally here, I'd feel some sort of happiness...excitement or whatever," I reply slowly, and I can't help but let out a soft sigh. 

"Oh come on Rox, don't dampen the mood! You just got here, and look, I'll even help you unpack and stuff. Let's just get inside okay?"

Dampen the mood, right. My specialty. 

"Okay, Raoul," is all I say.

As we walk into the building, a middle aged woman pushes past us, before aggressively waving a taxi down. 

"Wow," I say, "Great new neighbours." 

"The whole world isn't as crappy as you seem to think it is - you must know that by now."

"Jesus, you sound like mom,' I retort as I roll my eyes. "And in any case, it doesn't look there's an elevator, so maybe the whole world is as crappy as I think it is."

---

Eight flights. Eight goddamn flights of stairs. As I say this, you need to understand the degree of my unfitness - it's quite extensive. Also, I CANNOT EMPHASIZE ENOUGH HOW DIFFICULT THIS PROCESS HAS BEEN. 

Just as we get to number 801 (my apartment number), Raoul's phone starts ringing. 

"Sorry Rox, I just have to get this quickly," he drops the suitcase he was carrying and goes to stand a few meters away. 

Alright then, I think to myself, it's only been 2 hours and already we're back to the good old days. Should I wait for him? Nahhhh.

And with that thought, I unlock my front door for the first time. 

Okay, so first impressions... the place was quite small. Like, maximizing-every-tiny-corner-because-the-place-is-so-small kind of small. Still, I've never needed much, and I've always been a fan of minimalism anyway. 

Raoul is still on the phone by the time I get all my luggage inside, and I know what to expect by the time the call ends. 

"Wow, nice place," he says when he finally walks in, "Ah, and Rox? Do you think you'll manage with unpacking on your own? Something's come up and I have to -"

"Its okay," I cut him off, "I'll be fine, just go do what you gotta do man."

"I'm really sorry and I promise I'll make it up to you," he says as he places a swift kiss on my cheek. I don't even bother to reply before he's out the door.

When my brother said he'd taken the day off especially for me, I should've known it was too good to be true. I just figured that after everything, he'd really do it this time. In any case, I'm alone, and maybe that's a good thing. I'd forgotten what a complicated relationship my brother and I had, anyway.

Admitting to myself that some company would be nice... well, that would be the day that hell freezes over. I'm fine by myself. I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine. This is how it's always been, Rox, and nothing is about to change. 

With that thought blazing in my mind, I unzip my first suitcase.