Peksman

Peksman - 3

"Boys suck!" My 14 year old exclaimed. Her steps were heavy as she slammed the door to her room.

I made my way to her, knocking lightly on the now-closed door. What was it that made her swear off boys at such a young age? Did her first love break her heart?

I faked a cough, and started speaking. "Darling, can I come in? We can talk about it," I said this in the same soothing manner I did when her mom had her first heartache.

I heard footsteps and the sound of the doorknob twisting. Her head was down and she was sobbing. "How come you and Mommy loved each other, Dad?"

I lead her to her bed and wrapped an arm around her, patting her shoulder to provide comfort.

"It wasn't always that way..."

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Sharlene and I loved camping at my backyard - we've been doing it since we learned that she lived just a few blocks away from me. We weren't technically a lawn apart, a couple of houses separated us.

We were 19 now, old enough to disregard most of the things we like doing when we were younger. Yet we chose to still not rid ourselves of the pleasure we get from lying down on a blanket and watching the stars from under. College wasn't going by like a breeze, it was more like a hurricane we'd love to forget. We had different interests, took up different courses, but compromised by staying in the same university. We still made time for each other, because that's what best friends do.

It's been years since I acknowledged the fact that I was in love with her - and it's also been years since I kept it to myself, because honestly, what do you do when the only person you want to tell that you're in love to is the one you're in love with?

"Donny, na-in love ka na ba? Twelve years na kita kilala. Not once have I heard you talk about a girl," she asked without looking at me.

I made an effort to crack a joke, just to hide the fact that I desperately want to let her know that she's the answer. "I don't intend to. Takot ako, baka upakan mo 'pag I chose someone na magseselos sayo."

She laughed, but I knew for a fact that it was strained. She didn't think that was funny. "Mangyayari din naman 'yan. Eventually you'll find a girl, and I'd have to let you go."

I looked at her, her smile did not reach her eyes but she still looked calm - like what she said was a truth she was accustomed to.

Her head was rested on my arm like it was a pillow. I looked at her, pondering about what to say next, just to keep the conversation going and to keep us awake.

She turned her body to my side, rested her arm on my stomach, and snuggled her head on my shoulder. Then she started to speak. "Donny, sa tingin mo ba may chance tayo?"

At that moment, I felt giddy but tried my best not to show it. I was glad she had the same question... But why? I lifted and combed my hand along her hair and sighed. "Bakit mo naman natanong?" I asked, avoiding meeting her gaze by looking at how the stars were oddly brighter that night.

"Kasi ga-graduate na tayo. We'll be adults, but I can't imagine being an adult without you," she spoke quietly and unsurely.

But deep inside of me I knew I wished for this moment to happen. I knew the perfect response because I imagined it happening a couple of times. "Me too... I can't imagine a life without you."

I leave a little kiss on the top of her head. It was tough to admit, but after the debate that was going on my mind, I realized there will never be a perfect timing - not unless you get rid of cowardice.

"May sasabihin ako," I started.

She only did a hum as a response.

I gathered my courage before managing to say those two Tagalog words I've been meaning to say, "Mahal kita."

Her arms wrapped around my hips a little tighter. "I love you din naman, ah? More than a friend, just in case hindi mo pa nahahalata," her words were muffled against my neck but the message was clear.

"Peksman ba, Shar?"

She giggled and left a subtle kiss on my neck. "Peksman, Donny."