repercussions | l.h

ONE: THINGS JUST DIDN'T WORK

Nellie was always one to get overwhelmed. It came with the emotions she had trouble controlling, and she was working to get better at controlling it all by herself. That was a new ordeal for her, too, and it was unbelievably hard. Luke was always good at keeping her check. He was good at grounding her when she overwhelmed, or when her emotions got the best of her. It was part of their dynamic.

Well, now, Nellie was more on her own than she was in a team effort. That might have explained the tendency to stress easily. She had a lot on her plate. And she wasn't alone in the same way she would have been a few years ago. She had an actual child to take care of; and don't get her wrong, motherhood was a gift. But single-motherhood was an entire other story—if that's what Nellie could even call it.

"Nellie, that dress is fine, just like the last one was," Michael said, making her glance over her shoulder in subtle annoyance. It was the third time she had changed her outfit for work that day, but she couldn't really help it. It was something she found herself doing just about everyday.

"You know what? You're right, this one is fine." She mumbled, picking up her shoes from the ground. She put them on before she picked up her daughter, the little girl squealing as she kissed all over her face. She smiled when Nellie pinched her cheek and spoke to her, the look on her face always warming Nellie's heart. "Michael is gonna watch you, baby, and he's going to be the best babysitter ever; isn't he?" Nellie asked, making the girl give a bouncy yes. Nellie smiled at her once more before she kissed her cheek and handed her to the boy.

Michael looked at Nellie as she picked up her phone, her demeanor changed entirely. He knew she thought it would go unnoticed, but it never did. All he could do was reassure her, just like always. He was like a new, but nostalgic, player to her game. Kind of like a classic who would always have her back.

"Nellie, you're gonna crush it today," he said. Nellie smiled softly, leaning down to kiss his head too.

"As are you."

"Actually, I crush it every time; don't I, Gemma?" he said, making the little girl laugh as she hugged his arm. Nellie rolled her eyes as she smiled at the two, taking Michael's word for the truth. After that she knew she had to go or she was going to be late, and Nellie was notorious for such a thing.

Michael came in handy for keeping her from that, too. He knew she needed this job for more than just money. She needed it for her own peace of mind. Without it, he knew she would have too much time to think about literally everything she was, in blatant terms, repressing. She was starting to think that Michael might have been a better team player than Luke, but she also didn't love Michael the way she loved Luke.

But that wasn't what Nellie had on her mind as she drove herself to another day of work. She had other things cluttering her thoughts, and that was truly what her problem was. She didn't really have any means of real distraction besides it, which still managed to stress her out like everything else did. And that day she was really only more stressed than usual because of who she knew she had to talk to. But, she wrote it off as just part of her job, and it was. And even then it all just circled back to how she needed it more than anything.

Nellie didn't completely hate her job. She actually kind of liked it. It was in a building with a view and she got to write like she always loved doing. It was centered around sports, which was something she wasn't as much of a fan of; but it was crazy how being forced to work with something built up a new found appreciation. And Nellie didn't really have a choice but to be open to new appreciation.

When she got to work, she felt overwhelmed all over again by the mess at her desk. She didn't know why it suddenly felt like a train had ran through it all, but she didn't have any time to figure it out. She was already about to be late for an interview that she needed in order to get more assignments like it. So, she took a deep breath and picked up her laptop.