Summer of 2016 was the start to the end of someone that people loved and is missing including the person it all involves. From the beginning it was all a mistake. Two teenagers thought they fell in love with each other (not giving out the real name of the other person he will be named "X"). It all started at summer youth camp in June when X and Y (the girl who turned to out to be just like me and we became instant best friends) started talking. X and Y did not know of each other until youth came as Y went to a different church but her youth joined X and i's for camp. From day one things escalated quickly between X and Y when camp was only 5 days long. X and Y were inseparable they thought they were in love with each other but it all turned out to them both being broken and just wanting someone to love. Things ended a month or so after camp as they never got to see each other again and were constantly arguing because of how different they were. Since X and Y were together X and I grew closer going from just knowing of each other because of youth to slowly becoming friends to friends to best friends all because of one person. When X and Y ended X and I were slowly growing to be more and more as we both kept it from Y because she was my new best friend and X still wanting to be friends with Y.
August rolls around the school year about to start our youth did a one last event before school. As we both go to the all nighter at church and invite three friends to join because they were the ones I was closest to at the time. X and I were constantly near each other not wanting to be separated. We continue to play games as a whole youth getting the whole church to play in free time starts to roll around. X and I finally finding the opportunity to be alone we wonder off to the kids hall and sit there in the dark both slowly falling asleep as it's about 4 or so in the morning. One person comes over to us and just chills there for a little on the floor falling asleep and then later leaves. X took the opportunity to ask me the be his girlfriend and from that day forward everything slowly went down hill. We thought we were in love. We thought we were meant to be. That no one could split us apart.
The day everything went completely down hill... September 4, 2016... my older brothers birthday party day. That day X comes to my brothers birthday party to tell me that he's been grounded and won't be able to talk to me and to me that was okay because we still had to Wednesday's and Sunday's to see each other at youth and church but to him it was terrible. The next weekend as school has already started X went to another state to visit family and see his dad as his parents are split up. X's mom found out one day that he had been talking to me when he is supposed to be grounded. Later that day X and his mom got into a huge fight that caused him to later runaway from his step grandparents house to his grandmas house who later took him to his dads house and from there he has stayed there with his dad. As things were complicated and me believing from things he kept telling he was going to come back he never did except for one weekend and was flown back to his dad Sunday morning for acting up again at his moms house. For months and months four months to be exact we stayed together believing it would all be good for us.
It is now December... just a couple days after my dad's birthday we are at my grandmas house and X and I are texting each other and the next thing we know we are no longer together. In that moment of him calling things off my heart sunk into a deep hole... I felt empty... I felt lost... I went through so much emotional pain for months all for it to end just like that over text. Never getting to see each other again. I don't like to say the words I really feel but with those four months and many after that I was in a depressed state of mind feeling like I was actually stuck in a world that was meant just for me to be in and hurting everyday. Not long after we broke up I got back with my ex from before X and not to offend him or hurt him and making him feel like crap and that I don't care because I do but it was really because I just wanted someone who actually cared and loved me but I really did not want to be in the relationship at the time and it was not right for me to lead him on like that. After a month or so I knew it wasn't right and I was getting ready to end it when we both confronted it and made a mutual decision to stop it all but continued to be friends in fact he is still my friend to this day.
Still in a lot of pain from X and falling apart trying to be myself I suffered all my sophomore year of high school and I continue to suffer to this day. As I am constantly being brought down when I'm trying to pick myself back up. Going through so much everyday emotionally hurts and when March 6, 2018 rolled around things really started to turn around for me. All thanks to my best friend M (girl I've known since 8th grade) who brought this amazing guy (call him Z) into my life. Z was a life changer. Z was the one that I could depend on to never leave my life and I actually truly love Z. Z is a person that from the beginning just brought light into my life and has continued to bring light into my life. My story doesn't end there as Z is the light in my life that is only a little part as there is still a darkness behind me constantly trying to keep me there in that other world. Everyday I continue to struggle to be the person I was before X. It is like every time I start to be happy again someone finds the need to bring me back down and we start all over but it is as if recently with me trying harder to be happy everything is falling apart and I mean literally everything. I am struggling to find myself and it has been a year and half since X ruined things for me. At this point I don't know what to do anymore. I am just trying to find myself and all I'm asking for is for the darkness to leave me alone and back up so that I am not struggling anymore. So that I can breathe, see, and stop suffering.
The moral of me telling my story is that if you believe you love someone let them go and if they fight for you to stay they truly love you but if they let you go then they could have cared less about you. You deserve to have someone who loves you. Someone who wants to be there for you 24/7 no matter how many fights you get into. You want someone who will fight to have you and will fight with you to be happy. Most importantly your happiness is what should matter most to you before any other because if you are not happy how do you expect to make others happy. Another reason of this is to tell you that trying to constantly please others before pleasing yourself will make you miserable and
you will end up like me and suffer.
