Small writings

Price of beauty

Hunger consumes
aching pain that always seems to decide when next meal should arrive
Forever in battle with all my labels
They slowly start to eat me alive
Ribs that show seem to really make me glow
With pride I count my death rows
A few more to go
I'm getting so close
At the doctors appointment my mother she cried
With tears in her eyes she begged and asked me why
I didn't understand I was beautiful once again
They hate me they must
More food they add I can feel the weight coming again
A battle of wills I promise to make it through in the end
Another row to count from my ribs in the end
He cried and screamed begging he pleads please don't leave me
I still don't understand I love him why would I leave him then
He begs me to eat says he will help me see
My ribs start to disappear I can't help wish they were there
I can feel my thighs when I stand upright
I dislike the friction when I sneak to the bathroom at night
I hate that i'm forced to lie but can't stand having that junk inside
Up it comes out every night i clean out my stomach in the middle of the night
I still smile for him everyday so he doesn't see the dishonesty
White painted the room
My memory a haze
And there he sits crying holding my hand despondent
He can't do this no more he says in sorrow
He can't take another shot for me
He can't be the hand that holds the gun as i pull the trigger 
There in hospital room all alone i cry cause my only love is gone
They let me go against their judgment a free man i am again
One with no will i be
I count my ribs every night
Feel the sharpness of my collarbone in plain sight
Stare at my hips that almost jut out my skin
And the last thought that feels my head
At least i'm beautiful in the end