We Shouldn't

Part 11

With her journal in her lap, Stevie sat outside on the lounger by the pool, writing. She hadn't seen Lindsey for three days now. She missed him, she missed everything about him, not just the physical aspect, but she missed the new calmer, gentler man he'd become. She liked falling asleep in his embrace, she liked being woken up with his kisses. Suddenly, her bed seemed too big. He'd left behind his T-shirt one morning and she kept it, that was all she had of him.

"May I join you?" Mick asked.

"Sure." Stevie said, shrugging her shoulders. She didn't really care. 

"How are you doing?"

"I'm fine. Why would you ask me that?" Stevie closed her journal, leaving it on her lap, she crossed her arms. 

"Come on, Stevie... I know it can't be easy for you." Mick spoke in a soft voice. He didn't want to argue, he wanted to be there for his friend. "You two pretend you're just having fun, but I've known you long enough to know there's a lot more."

"It doesn't matter. We shouldn't have even had this affair."

"Well, that's true." Mick nodded. "But you did, because you just can't stay away from each other. You both have feelings."

"Kristen just gave birth to their daughter, Mick. It doesn't matter that we... that we still love each other. That's not important. Lindsey must focus on his family." Stevie knew that was the right thing to do, but she selfishly didn't want him to.

"I think you're both idiots." Mick shrugged, causing Stevie to glare at him. "I do. You married Marvin, knowing you would never be able to fully commit yourself to him. Lindsey stayed with Kristen, because she got pregnant with Will and then later married her, because he's a good man and he thought he was doing the right thing. But here you are. Lindsey'd been married to another woman for barely a couple months when he crawled back into your bed, while she was pregnant with their second child. He would have never been unfaithful to her if it was all just for fun, Stevie. The man is desperately in love with you."

Stevie understood all that, but it didn't make her feel any less horrible or guilty. "I can't ask Lindsey to leave his wife and family. Especially now, when they have a baby girl. I just can't."

"Funny, you're not talking about your own husband."

"It's different. I love Marvin, he's been good to me, he's not the man I thought I'd end up with, but he's... he's a safe choice. I know he'll be there for me, I know we won't have a massive argument out of the blue, scream at each other and one of us will leave, slamming the door. He'll always put me first, he'll always try and do things my way to please me." Stevie added. "And there are no kids involved."

"It's still a marriage, he's still your husband." Mick argued. "Lindsey would never leave his children behind. But he's not married to the woman he loves, Stevie, the woman he's been in love with for his whole life."

Sighing heavily, Stevie shook her head. "He and I only work, when we're not actually together as a couple. I don't know, maybe we just need the- the excitement of sneaking around and the possibility we might get caught. Maybe we're confusing love for lust."

Mick couldn't help but laugh, pointing a finger at Stevie. "That's bullshit and you know it."

"Say, we give it a try. We destroy our families and we give our relationship another try. We can't be certain we won't break up a month later. And what then? We grovel, we beg Kristen and Marvin to take us back?"

"And what if it does work out?"

"There's just too many what ifs..." Stevie hung her head low, breathing out heavily. "I do love him, of course I do, but I think that the risk to take is just too big. We had chance after chance to get our shit together and we never could. Maybe we should just be realistic and accept it."

It seemed like Mick wasn't going to get through to her. Standing up, he said. "Well, as agreed, Lindsey will spent the month, helping Kristen with the baby. I think that should be long enough for you to decide if you want to live with your safe choice or become the happiest you'd ever been."