all in - chuuves

6 | it will be okay

jiwoos pov

i hate census. i feel like we all do here, but no words could explain how much negative energy and poor emotions i have associated with the event. it could all tie back to the first census. i felt so alone- so afraid. without going too far into detail, it was one of the worst times of my life.

i managed to sneak out successfully; after yeojin, and before haseul like instructed. i havent left our underground residence in quite some time, and i could immediately feel my mood drop the moment i left. even with clear skies, this place feels riddled with storms. no ones smiling today. the atmosphere feels troubled and heartbroken. maybe to everyone, census means the same thing: a dehumanizing event that represents we all dont belong to ourselves anymore. the force is what controls us.

once we get to the town center, we all line up in place. t minus five minutes until we start. i ended up standing between yeojin on my left and this unfamiliar girl on my right. she immediately caught my attention. i dont know what it is... maybe it has to do with the unique way she carries herself. though we are all wearing the same uniform, she seems to be wearing it best. we arent allowed to wear make up but if we were, she wouldnt need it at all.

my thoughts are interrupted by a shrill sound. the whistle has been blown, its 14:00.

i look over to yeojin quickly for reassurance, and then it begins. the head masked patrolman approaches the podium and starts listing out names.

we get to the kims

"111502"
"kim hyunjin, 111502"

we get to me

"102010"
i never had a loud voice. "kim jiwoo, 102010"
my heart was pounding so hard out of my chest that i couldnt even hear myself, and apparently neither could the patrolman.

"repeat at a greater volume"
"kim jiwoo, 102010"
i feel like im screaming. my heart hurts. i hate this. my head is spinning and i just want to leave.

apparently im not the only one who noticed my panic. the girl on my right grabs my hand in a caring "it will be okay" manner. i feel my heart rate ease, and i look back up at her for her to flash a smile in my direction in return. she removes her hand from mine right when before her name is called.

"052409"
"ha sooyoung, 052409"

she speaks with confidence.
i like that.