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Some days the anguish I felt wasn't too bad. It was easy to swallow down, and just pretend things were fine for a few hours. Other times, it became a bit unbearable for me. I've always been sensitive—no point in denying that. But now? It was harder and harder to pretend that I was fine.
I'm really in love, so terribly infatuated. I don't know how I let you consume my thoughts, but now you're all I think about. You don't know about this and neither does she, but I write about you. You're my muse. When I put pen on paper, the lyrics come out so simply at the thought of you.
Everyone has noticed I've been distant. It's becoming difficult to hide what I feel nowadays. Apart of me thinks I'm affecting this tour as I write this. Everyone is out, partying and having a good time, and me? I'm curled up in my bunk bed on the bus, pouring my pathetic feelings out on this journal.
I don't think anyone feels the need to barge down the door and interrogate me. It hasn't affected my playing and I still attend practices, so I'm fine. As long as little old me can strum a bass, it's fine, right?
But fuck, I am really not fine. It wasn't fair for you to lead me on like that, especially now that it's all I can think about. You kissed me, even if it was a mistake on your end. That's what you ended up telling me anyways.
Fuck, fuck, fuck—
[Name] jolts, dropping her pen, as she hears the bus's door open. A few quiet steps and a soft voice speaks out, "[Name]? Are you here?"
"I'm up here, Kirk," [Name] tells Metallica's curly-haired guitarist. She quickly closes the journal, smiling down at Kirk. She noticed the horror comics Kirk held in his hands.
"You know, you don't have to fake it around me," Kirk tells the sorrowful girl guitarist.
"I know...Do you wanna come up here?" [Name] asks, patting the space next to her.
"You sure we aren't going to break the bunk with our weight?" Kirk asks, causing the girl to laugh. It was worth it, seeing her smile for a few moments.
"Are you kidding me? We're both like twigs! But I'll come down anyways, there isn't much space up here." [Name] responds, grinning as she climbs down her bunk.
Instead, the two sit closer to the front of the bus, at the small table. The two ramble on about the comics Kirk brought along and then talked about upcoming horror movies.
It wasn't until a brief silence filled the air that Kirk decided to ask.
"You're still torn up about James?"
[Name] wanted to avoid Kirk's brown eyes. She didn't want to look at him and start crying, but that's what she did anyway.
"Dude, shhh. It's okay," Kirk quickly stutters, panicking as she cried. He was fast to scoot over next to [Name], wrapping her in his embrace.
It was kinda funny. [Name]'s whole band was oblivious to her own heartbreak. Dennis, the guitarist, was always a little too drunk to notice how screwed up you were. Adam, the singer, was in similar situations, but more mixed up with drugs and groupies. Meanwhile, [Name]'s best friend, Delilah, was apart of the reason for her sadness now. Delilah was the most oblivious of all, and [Name] couldn't tell her. It would fuck up everything she had going with James now.
"I hate seeing them together, Kirk. I'm just so messed up," [Name] confesses, calming down in the guitarist's grasp.
"If it makes you feel better, I don't they'll last," Kirk replies, softly massaging her back. It was always interesting to see Kirk become this soft. Then again, he's always been the nicer one in Metallica.
"Yeah, I guess it kinda does. You're the best, Kirk," [Name] declares, rubbing her eyes. The tears are gone, and [Name] is left sniffling but she feels a bit better now.
"I know!" Kirk cheekily replies, dodging [Name] when she tries to poke him. She kept muttering about how cocky he was. It was a nice mood change—back to fun times for now.
"You wanna jam? I've been writing new stuff. I haven't told my band though," [Name] asks.
Kirk didn't hesitate to say yes. It sucked that James was dating [Name] 's best friend, but at least he had a chance with her now. If James couldn't see how great [Name] was, then that's his problem.
••• I apologize because 1) this is cliché as fuck, 2) everyone is ooc, 3) this is confusing af, and 4) for how short this is. I promise I'll get to requests as soon as possible!
