❝ 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐂𝐚𝐛𝐢𝐧 ❞ (Joseph Seed x Reader)

ｃｈａｐｔｅｒ 12

The Deputy

A year had passed and life was balanced between you.  Your bitterness towards Joseph had subsided as your affection grew.  Whether it was because he hadn't experienced unconditional affection before or because you were his supposed destiny, he showered you with affection and wasn't afraid to tell you his feelings.  Yet, even after months of affirmation, he would become a mess when you told him of your affections and become shy.  He had explained how it was new for him and you took it upon yourself to prove what genuine love was like.

He had even begun to approach talking about God and his beliefs once more.  You both challenged each other regularly but you were both too stubborn to yield.  But occasionally, when the mood took you, you would listen to his sermons to his small flock and get lost in the fervour of his passion.  His loud ostentatious display of faith replaced by quiet, introspective intimacy and reverence.  Those that survived were special and he made sure they felt like that.

The other Bunkers seemed to be managing well and there had yet to be a death which you were thankful for.  However nearing the end of the second year you received word of the first pregnancy.  A new hope in the barren world.  You and Joseph had used some of your precious alcohol store to celebrate and he even sent his own congratulations.  He would show kindness and follow the Lord's golden rule of doing to others how you have them do to you.

However the talk of pregnancy awoke something new in Joseph.  You noticed him staring more and during sex he would often rest his hand over your abdomen.  You had already inferred by his actions the talk of babies had made him broody, but it took him a few months to admit it was something he desired.  You were curled up on the sofa scribbling poetry in your ragged journal, when he sat across in the arm chair looking serious.

"What's wrong Joseph?" You asked not looking up at him.

He didn't reply straight away but you could see he was nervous.  He rarely showed his fear or anxiety to you.  He was so confident in God's plan that he wasn't afraid.  But, you he couldn't predict and this was often when you'd find him worrying.  You sighed and closed your book leaving it on the pillow so you could straddle his lap.  His hands gripped your hips which anchored him and helped him calm down.

"I promise I won't be angry."

"I want us to have a child." He said as if he couldn't contain the idea much longer.  "I want us to have a child and raise it together with love."

"I see." 

"Well you're not screaming so this is going better than I thought."

You chuckled and stroked his cheek.  Up until now you had been pretty insistent on using protection.  You had been prudent enough to stock up on condoms in the bunker for the future and as an emergency survival tool.  You hadn't fancied facing the post apocalypse diseases if you chose to take a lover.  Yet you didn't know how you could bring a child into the world not knowing what lay beyond the bunker doors or the horror they would face.

"What are you thinking Rook?" He asked looking concerned.

"I don't know if we should." You replied honestly.  "We don't know what's out there.  What if there is nothing left even after 7 years?  How can we bring them into a world without hope?  Besides, the thought of keeping both of us alive terrifies me.  Keeping us and a child alive?  Terrifying."

"But while we're in here is the best time.  We can raise them safely through their first years and they'll be strong enough to survive.  You are so strong my angel, and think how stubborn we are, that should count for something?" He smiled.

"True...but what if something went wrong during the pregnancy...what if...?" You sighed resting your forehead on his.  "I want to, I would.  I've always wanted a family Joseph but I'm scared.  Scared it will change us both or break us apart."