Chapter 44: I Want You

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I kissed Felix.

Why?

No, I know why.

After Hyunjin kissed me, It was almost a moment of realization. I don't like Hyunjin and I could never. I had to find Felix, I had to see if what I felt for him was what I thought it was. When I kissed him it was like a slap in the face.

From the fucking Hulk.

Even though he didn't hold me, he didn't kiss back, or tell me he loved me. It was what I wanted it to be. Perfect. Is that because I have feelings for him? Or because he said he wanted me to kiss him for so long? Maybe a little bit of both?

"Are you gonna tell me why the fuck you stood me up, or are you gonna stare at me all day?"

I was shaken from my thoughts at the voice Felix. He was sitting patiently waiting for my explanation. I didn't want to tell him the reason I was truly late, I wanted to lie. I wanted to give him the biggest bullshit lie I could muster. But I could think of nothing.

"I went out with Hyunjin."

His face fell immediately. It looked as though I just pointed a gun to his head and threatened his life.

"No, please don't make that face." I sighed and turned my body to face his.

He looked away and shook his head, "sorry, I just.."

"I know, your jealous about him but seriously you don't need to worry okay?"

He hesitantly looked back at me, "what do you mean?"

My mouth opened but no words came out. I pursed my lips and looked down.

"It's just...something happened and it made me realize I don't want him."

Felix then let out an unexpected chuckle. I furrowed my eyebrows and looked up at him again.

He shook his head and said, "sorry it's just...For a 'straight guy' you use the pronouns 'him' a lot in your love life."

My face fell and I shot him a death stare, "okay maybe I'm not straight, but I'm not gay okay? I just like who I like and love who I love. It just so happens that most of the time they are male."

Felix nodded, "okay...at least you admitted you aren't straight."

I rolled my eyes and grabbed Felix hand, lacing my fingers with his. That was enough to get my heart beating. I swear this man is a sorcerer, not even Jisung made me this happy by just holding my hand.

"So what happened? With Hyunjin I mean.."

I turned my attention away from his hand and cleared my throat awkwardly. I don't want to tell him, it would cause more harm then anything right?

"I...he."

Felix rose his eyebrows, anticipating my answer.

"We kissed."

His face didn't fall, it didn't look utterly disappointed. It almost seemed like he new, like he was just waiting for the confirmation.

"So you mean to tell me, you and Hyunjin shared a kiss. Then directly after you came here....and kissed me."

Those words hit me hard. He was right. That was wrong, on many levels.

"Yes but-"

"Don't but me, that's so fucked up!" Felix shouted pulling his hand away from me, "You're leading us both on!"

"No, Lix please listen to me."

He sighed and turned away from me, "I'm listening."

I definitely didn't expect him to be as lenient. I thought he'd push me away, tell me to get out. He didn't do that, he wanted to hear what I had to say.

"When he kissed me all I could think about was you. How much you'd hate it if you knew he and I were doing that, and how much it would hurt you to know. I pushed him away and I told him no. I can't be with him, especially when I want you!" I explained rather quickly, afraid he would interrupt me.

It was silent, neither of us said anything. It was as if Felix was processing everything I just said. When he looked up at me, he seemed shocked. Maybe he thought it was unbelievable that I just admit my feelings. I sure as hell can't believe I did. Seeing I only figured out about them a few hours ago.

"You...you said you want me?" He asked.

I smiled and nodded, "yeah..."

"But what about Jisung? How did you get over him so fast?"

I shrugged, "I think that I was already over him, by the help of you."

Felix suddenly lunged forward, wrapping his arms around my neck. I chuckled and wrapped mine around his waist pulling him closer.

"I'm still pissed at you, but I'm really happy right now!" He exclaimed and rested his head on my shoulder.

"So that's means the feelings are mutual right?" I asked.

He only hummed and hugged me tighter.






(A/N):

~Andyyyy

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~Andyyyy

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