Silent Chaos

XXV. Blue marks

I stopped, suddenly forgetting what I was doing.

I found myself standing in the middle of my livingroom, confused. I glanced around myself, scanning the room as I tryed to remember what I was about to do. How could I forget something like that? I stood still and dumbly for a good minute.

A chill crossed my body and I glanced down. I frowned. I was naked, except for my underwear. I didn't remember I had taken my clothes off. If I thought about it, I didn't even remember what was I wearing before.

I passed a hand through my hair. I was probably getting crazy. I felt strangely exhausted. Maybe I was just about to take a shower, that was why I didn't have my clothes on. I decided to follow that idea and headed to the bathroom.

As the hot water ran down my body I began to perceive a headache and a general discomfort slowly began to overwhelm me. I lowered the temperature of the water, following my instinct. But still I didn't feel very good and I had no clue why.

After I left the shower and dried myself, I took a pill for the headache and crouched on my sofa, cuddling up under a soft cover.

My house was particularly silent since my parents had left for Australia. I didn't miss them, though. I felt a weird sensation of aloofness towards them, but I couldn't tell why, at that moment. I felt strangely dumb. I moved my gaze to a window and I watched as the flakes of snow slowly hid everything under a white mantle. And I fell asleep.

*

I woke up crying.

My heart was pounding in my chest, my breath was heavy. I didn't remember anything of the nightmare, but a pair of green eyes looking at me. I couldn't see or remember who those eyes belonged to. That thought made my heart race and my mind ache. I felt my stomach twisting.

I wiped my tears away, trying to compose myself. It was just a nightmare and I kept telling it to me, but discomfort and unease kept lingering on me all the same. I had no idea of what was going on.

It was still clear outside, I had slept for maybe two hours.

I moved the cover aside and stood up, yawning and stretching. I decided to make myself a cup of tea, it could have helped maybe. As I entered the kitchen, I briefly glanced at the calendar hanging on the wall. It was Thursday.

I suddenly stopped and turned to look at the calendar again. Thor, the God of Thunder from Norse Mythology held his hammer, Mjollnir, triumphantly.

I stared at it for way too long. It had something of familiar. Well, probably because it had been hanging there since always! At the end I just chuckled, shaking my head. My parents were obsessed with Norse Mythology.

At the same time, a thud in my stomach made me grimace. A weird discomfort took me again. I felt like I was missing something. Like I had an emptiness inside of me.

I needed tea.

I put a kettle of water on the stove and let it boil. I began to look for the tea bags in the cabinets of the kitchen, when I accidentally knocked a jar of blue food dye that crashed on the counter, splashing everywhere.

"Shit!" I cursed under my breath.

I sighed. My mother used to love cooking coloured cakes. But my mother wasn't living with me anymore so I took note to throw all those food colourings away in order to prevent such messes.

I cleaned up the counter and then headed to the bathroom to wash the colour that had dirtied my hands and even my face.

But when I raised my gaze on my reflection in the mirror, I froze.