March 17, 2017 3:09 PM
Logout?
That was the last activity I've had on this account. As I write this it has been 15 months, 17 days, and 23 hours since I've done anything or looked at this account. I disappeared without a trace. I had dropped off the face of the earth.
I was an 8th grader at the time and I made the account when I was in 7th grade, going into 7th grade actually. I was young, and excited to make new friends online.
At first I barely got anything, but when I did it was the best feeling in the world.
And I started to grow, get more poplar. At one point my book was under what's hot in UsUk, I was the first result in UsUk.
But as I grew popular, things changed a bit. I wasn't as close to my followers as before, and it wasn't as fun as it was when I started. I started to lose control of what I was doing with the book.
On my years running this account I've made friends, and everyone was kind. But after a while the asks that I was getting weren't the kind that made me laugh, or smile, or anything like that. Some of them made me uncomfortable. So I tried to make other things, but they didn't do well and just seemed to take away from the Ask books. So I just went back to that.
Eventually I stop updating, and reply just to comments and read books.
Pretty soon I start drifting away from the fandom. Then I logged out of my account.
At first it was just a few days.
Days turned into weeks
Weeks turned into months
Months turned into a year
I couldn't work up the courage to log out of the new account I made. I couldn't work up the courage to look at this account, but today I decided that just dropping off the face of the earth might not be okay anymore.
I'm not depressed, I didn't kill myself, family is all good, I just left because what I wanted to write compared to what I was writing didn't make me happy at all. Writing is like a lifeline for me. When life gets hard, I log onto Wattpad and write. On this account, that wasn't something that was ideal for me to do. I'm not in the fandom anymore, I've matured quite a bit. A lot of people I know on my new account are into Hetalia.
I want to play it safe and not tell them that this was me, incase they knew about this account at all. But I felt a pang of guilt whenever I saw the word. I left people hanging, and just disappeared. But I can't say that I'm sorry for leaving, I'm just sorry for the way that I left.
I left because I'm unhappy with my work here, I'm unhappy with how the questions were, plus I felt stuck to the same type of writing. And clearly that suffocation feeling isn't good for anyone.
I don't want to sound mean, this isn't what I'm trying to say. I it sounds this way it shouldn't, I just want to share why I left and how I felt.
The fandom is a completely different place then what it used to be. Everyone is still nice but the fandom is toxic, even after it's death. It's not a place I want to be in at this point, and when I stopped that was also a reason why.
Nobody harassed me, nobody was rude, I didn't leave because of people around me.
I cherish the time that I've spent on this account, I cherish the people I've been able to meet, and all around I don't regret my time in the fandom. I just couldn't do it anymore. I've taken down the ask books, only unpublished them. I might delete them, and I might republish them. It depends on what I decide to do when I'm ready.
Thank you for reading, voting, and commenting on the book. Thank you for your support, but I'm officially hanging my coat on the wall, I'm retired, no longer a mystery about what happened to the Admin of this account.
I'm using my OCs in other thing now. If you find my newer work at all, if you want to comment please don't bring this up. I'm begging you all if you find my new account to just leave this in the past and embrace my new work.
I'm not gonna give out my new username, or talk about what I'm writing now. I want to keep this in my past and close this chapter in my life.
Goodbye. And thank you for reading.
