• losing •

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I didn't know I was being abandoned until everything was gone.

I packed up my boxes with Mother, and loaded them into the car. "Dad is following behind us."

I watched as fragments of my bones shattered under my flesh, and I felt a sheering pain I hadn't ever experienced. But it wasn't bone, and it hasn't gone away. I was left broken when she walked the other direction, that night.

Slowly my sister coughed and sneezed. Mother took her away "somewhere special" from then on she never returned.

My journals were burned. All my picture albums and posters were soaked. My clothing was in strings, yet I still managed to make something out of them: kites.

Mother said she was going somewhere that she may never return from. "Never return from." What was that even supposed to mean? I didn't understand, so I kissed her goodnight like usual and turned on the news the next morning while making her breakfast. I never knew Mother owned a gun. I never knew she didn't know how to point it right. Maybe I could have taught her just how to aim.

The house paint was peeling. The bricks were crumbling. The windows are still shattered to this day. "Home."

I didn't know what "losing everything" meant until I heard it in a song, I sang along via beating heart.

And now I'm gone.

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