now now now i haven't updated in a while and im sorry. i will try to tonight or tomorrow. now don't think that im going to end this book right when i started it because I'm not. ive just been..... i honestly don't know how to describe it. I've been holding everything in, ive become numb, ive veen losing my temper with my sister but also trying to become a better bigger sister because all we do is fight, I've become more blunt and rude and I'm just holding in a lot of emotions and a lot of tears all the time.
if you read my last update at the the beginning or end i dunno which one and i don't feel like looking back. i talked about personal things with my dad going on. and i just feel like i needed to vent it out ya know. i just dont want to talk about it with my friends because i just feel like i annoy them talking aboug my feelings about my dad even though i know they all love and care for me and about me and about my dad.
my dad on his left foot a good few months ago only had two toes on it because his other three were infected. on his right foot he only has four because his second toe was longer than the big toe and was rubbing against his shoe so they cut it off for that reason. but his left foot and leg. ahhhh. that is where all my pain is set around. during my last week of school i will just tell you day by day. so that sunday my mom called and i asked her if what i will tell you in a second was gonna happen and she said "yeah" i was numb the whole day i barely talked to my sister and she barley talked ( also bc her throat hurt) i was just keeping my mind busy from crying by doing homework for my finals. my aunt called and asked how i was and i said fine and she said no really how are you i told her that i was just holding it in being strong for my younger sister.
monday i didn't want to talk to anyone and i barley did when i saw my friend D ( his initial) he knew something was wrong bc later he told me that he didn't see me smile so he hugged me so did my friend S, M and K and i cried in their arms. in second hour my two friends M and M just looked at me with pity in their eyes.
tuesday i didn't go to school because my sister graduated 4th grade, my mom sister and i went out to eat and then we visited my dad. i stared at his now stump. the means that my dad had gotten his foot taken off, and part of his calf.
flash forward to present day today. so my dad has been in the hospital since june 6th its gonna be a month tomorrow. he was suppose to be coming home the 10th and then the 13th and now today. my mom, sister and I went to the hospital because the nurse in the rehab center was showing us stuff with my dad and how he can do some stuff with the wheel chair because he is gonna be in one for a while and we are getting a ramp built for him and then he will get a prosthetic later.
but he has have bad nerve pain before but today it was really bad and in the rehab gym he was laying down crying bawling his eyes out today was the first time i have seen my dad actually cry. at his dads funeral a few months back i saw his eyes water but never cry. but he was crying badly from how much pain he was in. i started crying my mascara was running, my sister and mom were crying so i went to his room to clean my face of makeup and i hug my sister.
then later today they were gonna clean out his right leg and get blood glow going somewhat but when we went back there later my dad told me and my sister to go take a walk so i knew that something bad was happening. found out he didn't go to his surgery and that they might take off his leg to above his knee.
and then yesterday ( i wrote this part like two days ago) he has been losing blood and he forgot his birthday and stuff.
this is all just very overwhelming to see someone who you looked up to and love. someone that was so strong, enjoyed being outside all the time in summer, drivin in his old pickup truck listeing to heavy metal or country, someone who liked planting flowers, and building things. it is just all very overwhelming and im sorry for not updating i will today.
and im sorry as if none of you wanted to read this but i felt like this was one of the only ways to help me with my feelings because i have only cried about this once and i have had it bottled up ever since.
but i will update soon
xoxo ♡
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ghost | jjk |
Fanfiction| sequel to letters | "who are you?" "my name's grace, and that's my book." [ ongoing ]
