A Love Like None Other

4

The journey to Swara's house was in relative silence as both were preoccupied in their respective thoughts. Even on reaching her house, Swara seemed to be lost, which had Sanskaar a trifle worried; the doctor had assured him that she had no physical injuries but had hinted that she might be feeling a little shocked and had advised her to rest for a couple of days. It pained him to see her so subdued and silent but then as he had always done, he did what would be best for her and what she would have wanted. Without a word, Sanskaar took Swara by her hand and led her inside.

Her parents were a little astounded when they saw her, but she simply ignored them and went to her room, she knew Sanskaar would take care of things, as he had been doing all her life. What she wanted to do, no, needed to do, was to understand what she had been doing, to Sanskaar and most importantly, to herself.

She showered and changed into her old flannel pajamas, the ones that were remnants of those long ago days when she would talk to Sanskaar. She sat on the floor, her legs folded under her and tried to work up the courage to open the cardboard box, the one that held all the gifts he had given her for her birthdays and which she had never opened till date. Finally, she took them all out and laid them on the floor in order, each carried the same message "Many happy returns of the day, have a great day and a great year ahead" and the date, in his beautiful firm handwriting.

The first one was what he had given her on her sixteenth birthday, the day he had kissed her and confessed to loving her.

She opened the box to see a gold bangle that had a double infinity symbol in the centre; the band on either side of the symbol had four tiny holes, a total of eight, from which she could hang charms, if she liked, to convert it to a charm bracelet. The card read, ''I will be there with you, to infinity and back, now and forever.'' Tears filled her eyes when she realised why Sanskaar had selected that gift for her.

She had turned nine and was quite upset that she was no longer eight. While every adult and child around her found her panic silly, only Sanskaar had quietly asked why she was so worried, "I love the number eight, it is like infi...infinity standing and.. and now I am no longer eight." Sanskaar had not even blinked and asked if she knew what infinity meant. She had nodded her head and said that it meant forever. And since she was not eight anymore, she would never have a forever. Her Baba had tried to tell her that nothing stays forever which had left her quite upset. Sanskaar had then taken her tiny hands in his and whispered in his most grown up voice, "No, Swara, it does not matter what anyone says, I will be there by your side. I will always be there, forever."

With trembling fingers she opened the other boxes, each of them held a charm commemorating a special event in her life for that year, something that only Sanskaar and she could identify how it was special for her. When she opened the final one and read the enclosed note, she broke down; it contained a tiny double S vertical symbol which had a sparking diamond in the centre. The note read, "This is the last charm for the bracelet and last gift I dare to give you. Today I write my saddest lines, I love you and maybe some time ago, rather a long time ago, you loved me too. The symbol is not for Swara and Sanskaar, however fond that wish could be for me. It is for you and Sahil. He loves you and I guess you love him too. I can no longer hope for a place in your heart or your life. But as I once promised, I will always be there for you and yet I wish you so much happiness that you would never ever have any need of me."

She did not know how long she had sat crying her heart out, till she was suddenly engulfed by light. Her Maa and Ragini had come to see her and were stunned to see a teary eyed Swara when they were expecting her to be resting. When Swara saw her mother, she asked, "Maa, was I always this blind?"

Her mother looked at the open gift boxes and torn wrappings scattered around Swara and gave a small smile as she replied, "Yes, Swara you have been blind and deaf and dumb and a lot of other things not to notice Sanskaar and his love for you. He is happy loving you, though it breaks his heart to know that you disliked him. He could watch you profess your supposed love for Sahil only because you seemed happy. Even Sahil is aware of his love for you, Swara, but that is not what deterred him from proposing to you. He can compete with Sanskaar's love for you but how could he fight your love for Sanskaar?

"I don't love him," Swara muttered in protest. When her mother heard this, she sighed and knelt beside Swara. She gently pulled her in her arms and said, "Swara, you have loved him all the time but have spent half your life running away because you are afraid of his love, afraid that you might fancy yourself to love him because he loves you and afraid that you would never be able to meet the intensity or the depth of his love for you. Who cares about the measure of your love for him, is it not enough if you love him back?"

Swara lapsed into silence at her mother's words, knowing that her mother was right. Everyone could see the love that Sanskaar had for her; her aloofness with Sanskaar and increasing proximity with Sahil had driven them all to different levels of despair. And she did love him too, which was why she so constantly needed him. Further, Sahil must have been aware of her feelings for Sanskaar too, which explained why he had been so hesitant to propose. It had always been she who had been blind to herself and untruthful to Sanskaar. Only Ragini had dared to tell that to her, many times over.

When Ragini took the bangle and all the charms from her, Swara hung her head in shame, she remembered all the occasions Ragini would question her, regarding her behaviour with Sanskaar and she always had retorted quite rudely, often asking her sister to mind her own business and leave her alone. And now when she realised how right Ragini was and how stupid she had been, Swara did not know how to make amends.

Ragini waited for Swara to come to the logical and inevitable conclusion, even as she carefully strung those charms on the band and gently clasped the completed charm bangle around her sister's wrist. "Go, talk to him, Swara, you are the only one who has not realized. Do not delay even a minute longer."

"It is the middle of the night!"

"And when has that ever stopped you from seeking him out, Swara?" replied Ragini with a knowing smile.

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