Monsters Among Men || Calum Hood

Chapter Five: Ticket

I remember earlier today.

It was just like any other day in this hell.

Killing and looting and exchanging fleeting touches with Calum to remind myself of the reason I was still alive.

If it weren't for Calum, I would have ended it all a long, long time ago. I live for him. I live so that he will live, because I know that if it weren't for me, he would have ended it, too.

This world changes you.

I wish I could say we were good people but we've done our share of fucked up shit. We were... are just like everybody else, no matter how hard we try to convince ourselves that we're better.

When I die... I know I'm going to Hell. I'm not afraid though, because I've already lived through it. I lived through Hell for a broken boy that has murdered for no other reason than "what if?". I lived for a beautiful boy who's eyes glow in the sweltering sunlight. I lived for a ruthless boy with blood on his hands and on his machete and under his fingernails.

I lived for Calum Thomas Hood.

But now?

Now?

The light of my stupid meaningless fucking life is kneeling in front of me. He is on his fucking knees with tearstains on his cheeks and blood gushing out of his shoulder. His face is pale and his hands are shaking and his eyes are glowing with so much fear.

The... the thing that did it lies at his feet. It's mangled beyond recognition by my hands, by my gun. All I saw was red. After it bit him... all I saw was a blinding, scalding red.

"I'm sorr--"

"Don't," I cut him off, "Just don't."

He falls into a sorrowful silence before his hands reach for me and I fall into him. He nearly falls back from the impact.

"I love you," he murmurs.

"You know I love you," I say back, throat thick with emotion.

His chest inflates as he sucks in a deep breath, lungs fighting so hard for life. His freezing cold hand slides down my side and rests on my hip before taking my gun from its holster.

I place my hand over his, "What are you doing?"

He looks me steadily in the eye and I know. I know what he wants me to do. I just don't know if I can do it.

"Calum--"

"Please," he whispers. His eyes are pleading and I am crumbling, "Please, Mila. I need this. I ca-- I can't become one of them."

Hot tears are rolling down my cheeks as I take the gun from his grasp. His lips find mine with so much desperation and all I feel is him before it's over too fucking quickly.

I get to my feet and take a step back before checking the ammo clip.

Two bullets.

Perfect.

My hand is shaking as I draw it to his forehead and his eyes never waver from mine.

I swear I can see a flash of light blue in his onyx orbs before his chapped lips mouth silent words and then...
and then he's gone.

He's fucking gone.

There is a hole made by my hands, by my gun in the center of his fucking forehead. His beautiful face, lifeless and unmoving with blood... everywhere. My fucking angel. My fucking angel... dead.

I have no more tears to cry.

I feel nothing.

Nothing.

Because there is nothing left without him.

There is nothing left except a shitty world filled with monsters both dead and alive.

Calum and I were monsters among men who were monsters, too, but none of it fucking matters.

None of it ever mattered.

'Cause I have a one-way ticket to Hell in the shape of a bullet.

I am going to Hell but Hell after Earth is better than Hell on Earth.

It's better because it has my Calum.

...

Calum was my reason to live... and now... now he's my reason to die.

I lift the gun to my temple with so much assurance and I know I should be frightened, but I'm not.

My hand is steady with my ticket in its grasp... and my eyes look at the body of my broken boy one last time.

I'm coming, baby.

I'm coming.