COLOR ME BLUE | SPIERFELD

1.5 | JACQUES

Friday, September 14th

7:51

The last thing Bram was expecting to see when he woke up Friday morning was an email notification from his new pseudo Gmail account. He'd be lying if he said he didn't expect anyone to comment on Creeksecrets and make assumptions on Blue's identity but, he didn't think anyone would message him personally. That took him by surprise.

He sat up in bed, dayling coming in from his un-pulled curtains and opened the email.

As the email came to an end, a small chuckle left his lips. Jacques. Bram wasn't stupid, he knew no one at school was named Jacques. Of course the person wouldn't give their real name away. It was a pseudo, like him.

Bram re-read the email, making sure he read correctly.

So like I said, I'm just like you. I have a totally perfect normal life. Except I have one huge ass secret.

One huge ass secret. It could be anything. Maybe they had a crush on their best friend? Maybe they cheated on a big test? Or...they were sailing in the same boat.

It was most likely the latter. If not, why else would've this 'Jacques' reached out to him?

Making this post on Creeksecrets took a lot of courage from Bram. The post had been in his drafts for weeks but he never had the courage to post it. He wasn't ready for that yet. He still wasn't. So, he did the next best thing and came out while staying anonymous. Some would say it served nothing and was pointless but, to Bram, it was a step forward. It was a weight off his shoulder.

Bram didn't know what took upon him to make the move and send his publication to Creeksecrets. To be honest, he still can't believe he did it.

Although he couldn't pinpoint what made him click the send button, there was a few factors that might've pushed him to. For starter, he knew it was impossible that he was the only closeted gay kid at school. According to a survey, 10% of the male population is gay which meant 10% of Creekwood High's male students were rooting for the same team. So far, Ethan was the only member of the LGBTQ+ community at Creekwood High and Bram refused to believe this. There had to be more closeted gays at Creekwood and Bram wanted them to know that there was other students - like him - who were in their shoes. Some maybe were in the same position he was those past two years and that made the boy's heart ache.

When Bram was fifteen, he wished there was someone at his school who would've came out if only to show a young Abraham Luis Greenfeld that it was okay to be gay - or bisexual or trans or whatever that's not classified as the 'norm' - because he had to learn the hard way that fighting who you are will only hurt you in the end. Maybe it would've been easier to accept himself because, although it wouldn't have been his coming out, coming out empowers those who can't.

Worded like that, it sounded like he wanted to start a movement but, it was not the case. Bram just wanted to show people who felt lonely locked out in their tiny closet that they weren't alone in this.

It took him a long time but, after two years of struggling, Bram had came to peace and accepted his sexuality. It was a long and tormented chapter of his life. Bram remembered the nights he cried himself to sleep because he was fighting an internal losing battle: him against his sexuality. As if being a hormonal and emotionally challenged teenager wasn't hard enough, he had to discover girls weren't doing it for him. Before he moved to Shady Creek, his old soccer teammates would take him to parties and encourage him to hook up with girls and Bram tried to make it work - he really did - but, once the girl tried to take things to the next level, it would always end the same way. He'd storm out of the room and run home, hating himself for not being a 'normal' kid.