Trying again ✔️ (Natsu x Reader)

Trying and failing

You arrive at work and see Natsu and happy talking to Erza and grey. Nothing new there but you decide to avoid them for now. You walk over to Mira and ask what needs to be taken care of first today. Mira looks at you with concern in her eyes. Oh no he told you think to yourself.

"Natsu told us..." she starts but you cut her off.

"I'm ok Mira. Really. It's nothing new. There's no need to worry. Now I'd like to get started. Please tell me if there's anything specific I need to start with." You tell her with a smile.

A fake smile but you knew you had to smile to get her to relax. She looks at you with concern written all over her face. You still smile and she caves in.

"Ok. You can start on the dishes. There's more than normal today. Then go about your normal duties. But hey, if you ever need to talk know you can come to me anytime ok?" She smiles at you but you sense pain in the smile.

"Ok. Thanks." You reply. Not again. I'm hurting people again. Your thinking to yourself.

You work all day and avoid eye contact as much as possible. Everyone is worried about you. You know they care but you can't help but feel like they are in pain because of you. Everyone finally leaves for the day. You are alone again. Or so you think. When you walk outside you find Natsu standing there waiting for you with happy on his shoulder. Concern is written on his face but he smiles when he sees you.

That smile is contagious and you smile back. You feel like hell but your smiling. How? You ask yourself.

"Hey there. Thought I'd walk you home again. I hope you don't mind." He says while still smiling.

You know he's trying to help you feel better and forget the pain. You accept and you walk home. For some reason he makes you relax. You feel safe around him. You feel your heart pound.

No. No. I forbid it. I can't start feeling this comfortable with anyone. I can't like anyone. No. I won't be hurt again. You tell yourself in your head.

Natsu looks at you and places a hand on your shoulder. "You ok?" He asks with worry in his voice.

"Yeah. I'm fine. Just thinking. Thanks for walking me home. Goodnight!" You say trying to escape into the emptiness of your room.

The nightmare again. Why? Why won't it go away?! This is getting to be to much. But you don't want to leave again. You love fairy tail. You wake up in a panic only to see natsu again. This time he's laying on the floor asleep with happy. You get dressed quietly and sneak out to the guild. You located Mira and talked to her. You didn't tell her about the nightmares but that you wanted the day off and you'll make up the work you miss. She agrees and you leave.

You walk until you find a clearing with flowers. It's a warm day with clouds in the sky. So you lay back in the grass and watch the clouds pass. You feel relaxed and have completely tuned out the world. Your glad you asked for the day off. Suddenly you feel a body next to you. You look and see natsu laying next to you looking up at the sky. He's close enough for you to feel his body heat.

It gives you goosebumps by him being so close. You scoot away just a little to put some distance between you.

"It's a nice day huh?" He suddenly asks calmly.

"Yeah it is" you say as you lay back down to continue watching the clouds. You feel safe near him. But you won't admit that.

"Can I ask you something?" He asks.

You feel sudden dread. A lump in your throat. You know what he's going to ask. You want to run but decide not to. It will upset him and if he chases you there's no way you'd be able to escape. You know your to honest. It hurts people sometimes and has caused you a lot of pain but you feel honesty is the best policy. To bad others don't think so.

"Sure...what is it?" You finally reply with hesitation.

"Why were you crying that night?" He asks. You can tell he wanted to know really badly and that he really cared. It's like he really wanted to help you overcome the pain.

"It's a long story.." you start.

"It's ok. I have time. Please tell me." He turns and looks at you. Those eyes were pleading with you for a answer. His face was full of worry.

Why is he so worried. He barely knew me. I don't understand. You think to yourself. You sigh.

"I hope your ready for this. It's a long and painful story. I can't guarantee you won't cry and I know I will. I hope you can handle it. But please. Before I tell you. Promise me you won't tell anyone else. At least not yet. Ok?" You tell him with pain in your voice.

He nods and you begin. "My mom was killed in front of me when I was a child. My sister did it. My dad made her do it. He told her it was him or my mom. Me and my sister don't have the same mom by the way. He made her believe it was right. After she realized what she did she killed herself. My dad is in jail for life now. I lived with my grandparents and a few years ago I met my true love. But a jealous ex of mine drove us apart. Our parents separated us. Even keeping us locked up. I found him one day dead. Hanging from the ceiling with a rope around his neck. A note tucked in his shirt. It said "I can't bear the pain of being kept from you anymore. This is the only way I could put a stop to it. I'm sorry. I love you. That night as I was crying I saw him. He was a angel. He told me not to copy him and kill myself. He wanted me to live on for him and he'd be watching over me from heaven. I tried my best to live on but the pain became to much. I ran away and found myself at fairy tail. I love it here. Just that night when i closed the doors the sound reminded me of when I left and all my memories came back at once. All the pain. I couldn't help it. I'm sorry I worried you so much..." as your talking you start crying then you start bawling your eyes out.

Your vision got blurry. You couldn't see natsu or anything for that matter. You could hear him sniffling though. I knew I'd cause you pain natsu. I'm sorry you think to yourself as you try desperately to wipe the never ending tears away. You suddenly feel someone grab you and hug you. Tightly. You instinctively wrap your arms around them and hug them back.

"I'm...so...sorry...for all your pain. I can't imagine what all that was like. Your such a strong person." Natsu says while trying to control his tears. "I'm glad you told me. I promise I won't tell anyone without your permission" he says to you.

"Can I lay down? I feel dizzy." You ask him. He lays you down and goes to move. "No....Please stay...You...make me feel better." You say with embarrassment.

There's that honesty. He must think your a creep or a perv now. Way to go. You think to yourself. He just smiles and lays down with you. He pulls you close and you lay your head on his chest. This is so nice you think to yourself. A smile creeping across your face. Suddenly your eyes shoot open. Memories of you and your love together like this flood your brain. Then the sight of him dead. You start to cry again.

No! No! Why? I'm happy. Please go away! You argue with yourself. Don't do it! Don't get cozy with anyone. They only hurt you. All the joy you feel now will quadruple itself in pain in the future. Your brain is telling you all this. All these lies. No they aren't lies. They are a harsh reality. You can trust anyone.

Before your crying gets noticed you jump up and run home. Leaving natsu standing there. Wondering what was going on. You go home and cry. Cursing yourself for what happened. You swore you'd never even so much as like a guy again and here you are getting cozy with one. You know what that leads to! Love then pain. It's the sad truth. Don't do it. You can't let your guard down. You roam to room for something. Anything to take your mind off the overwhelming pain in your heart.

You start scratching yourself. Causing your mind to focus on the physical pain. You continue and you start to see blood. You don't care. Just make the rest of the pain stop.

You wake up covered in scratches and blood. Not a lot of it but still a good amount. You go to the bathroom and clean yourself and put bandages on luckily you only scratched up your stomach and chest. You can just wear your dress over it. No one will notice. You get ready and head to the guild.