The Blissful Feeling

Chp 16: I'm always here for you

"I don't like them. Especially him."

"Is there a reason?"

"I don't like the way he- he sees you."

"And what's wrong with that?"

"It's not the just-friends vision."

"Are you out of your mind?"

"No I'm not. He just- I don't know how to say this."

"So you better not say it. And you're not prohibiting me from doing what I want to do."

"Adria, if you don't listen to what I'm saying, I'll say it to mom that you went to a party with your friends and that you turned me down when I told you that I'll drive you home."

"If it makes anything better, I will say it to mom that you are involved in some activities."

He suddenly shut his mouth. He was looking at me with great intensity and I think he is figuring how I know about his secret.

He groaned and shut his eyes.

"That is not good. Adria, why don't you understand? I'm telling this for your own good."

"Chris, leave your friends and the activities and I'll consider not living with my friends."

He looked at me with desperation.

"You will regret this."

"No I won't."

"Fine. Do what you want but don't get too close to anyone. You might regret it."

I knew what he was applying. He was saying that if I get too involved and if the person leaves me, I will regret it. But Alyx is not of that sort, is he?

"He is not like that."

"That was the same thing you said about Nate."

And he hit the throbbing and pain giving vein. He mentioned him. I couldn't think of anything. My eyes started hurting and everything became blurry.

"Adria, I'm sorry. Are you okay?"

"Get out, Chris. Get out."

He went out closing the door behind him. As soon as the door hit the doorframe, tears started coming out. Why did he mention him? Why did he take his name?

Nate. The name which gave me uncountable sleepless and endless nights. The name which was once my favorite dream and now my worst nightmare. The name that changed my life.

*-*-*-*-*

The next morning, I woke up and layed on my bed, staring at the ceiling. I wish people would stop hurting me, would stop bothering me. But not all wishes come true.

I layed some more time. I tried not to cry but the tears didn't seem to stop. When Chris took his name, yesterday, numerous memories in the back of the mind flashed in a fraction of a second.

I'm not angry or sad or mad at Nate. I don't regret spending even one minute with him. I don't regret him happening to me.

On the other hand, I wish he never happened to me. I wish he wasn't there for me when I was heartbroken because nobody was there to console when he left.

Sometimes I think, was he worth it? Yes and no. Yes because I love the time we spent as homies and no because I hate thinking about him which I do a lot.

I decide that thinking about him will make me sadder. So I decided that I will not think about him. I'll carry on and pretend that last night was nothing different from other nights and that I didn't cry my eyes out.