The End Of The F***ing World (TEOTFW Novel Adaptation)

Episode One.

(James's narration will be in normal font, Alyssa's will be in bold. Thank you for reading)

.......

I'm James.

I'm seventeen and I'm pretty sure I'm a psychopath.

I was eight when I realised I didn't have a sense of humour. My dad and I would sit at the dinner table and he'd tell me stupid jokes, like "Why doesn't the Queen wave with this hand?"

I wouldn't respond.

"Come on. Why doesn't the Queen wave with this hand?" He'd keep waving. "Because it's my hand!"

I'd always wanted to punch my dad in the face.

When I was nine he bought a deep fat fryer. He saw it on an American shopping channel. One day, I put my hand in it. I wanted to make myself feel something. It left my skin dry, flaky and wrinkled, kind of like an old man's hand.

When I was fifteen I put the neighbour's cat in a box and took it into the woods. I slit its' throat. It probably had a name. After that, I killed more animals, and I remember every single one.

School was beneath me, but it was a good place for observation and selection because I had a plan. I was going to kill something bigger. Much bigger.

Alyssa first approached me in the canteen at school. I took my headphones off and let them hang heavily around my neck. She stared at me, her cardigan as red as blood.

"Hey." I said.

"I've seen you skating." She said. "You're pretty shit."

I prickled. "Fuck off."

Alyssa was new. She'd started that term. I thought she could be interesting to kill.

I get these moments when I have to lie down, because everything feels sort of too much. And I look up, and I see the blue, or the grey, or the black, and I feel myself melting into it. And, for like, a split second, I feel free. And happy. Innocent. Like a dog. Or an alien. Or a baby.

My mum used to be nice but then she got a divorce from my dad and met Tony. Last week he said he thought I needed a bigger bra, so I threw a chicken kiev at his head. Mum pretended that she hadn't heard him.

Now she has the perfect house and the perfect garden in the perfect neighbourhood, the perfect twins. The twins were babies, Tony's babies. I didn't like them. Their heads did smell nice, though. It's true.

I hadn't seen my dad since I was eight. He never fitted in, he couldn't settle, so he had to leave. I don't blame him. But he sent me a card without fail every birthday. I understand, actually. I don't trust people that fit in.

I met James in the canteen at school. The people I was sitting with originally had annoyed me. One of the girls had text me from across the table, sending a vibration into my pocket.

After checking the message, I held my phone out to her. "Is this from you?"

"What?" She asked.

"What the fuck?" I shook my head at her.

"What?" She asked again.

"I'm here." I said. "I'm literally here."

She scoffed and shrugged. "It's free."

I stood up and smashed my phone before going to look for someone less shit to talk to.