Love Will Find Its Way: Part 2 {Austin Carlile & Tyler Smith} BoyxBoy

Chapter 4: Memories Of A Broken Heart.

I continued to avoid Tyler all week even when he would try and ask if everything was okay. I needed to keep anything that included emotional attachment out of my life. David made things easy for me, we'd throw parties on his bus and then we'd fuck in the back each night. I know he would never want anything more than a friendship that included benefits full of pleasure. I don't mind though because I personally don't want anything close to a relationship. The only thing I want is to sleep all day because I'm currently facing one of the worst hangovers in my life.

"Dude, you are stinking up this whole bus. It smells like liquor, sweat, vomit and old man. Go shower or something." Tino says as he walks around my sore body.

I sit up from my spot on the floor in the front lounge and I slowly get to my feet. I stretch a little bit, yawn and then walk into the bathroom where I quickly take off my clothes from the night before. I turn on the shower and step in under the hot water. It burns my back at first making me cringe, but I get use to it and relax.

After shampooing my hair twice, I move onto body wash. I scrub my body roughly, making my skin twice as red as it is from the heat of the water. The smell of brown sugar and vanilla fills my nostrils and I instantly drop the bottle full of soap. I feel tears making there way to the brim of my eyes as the smell continues to overwhelm me. It makes me think about one thing; Alan.

I wash the soap off of my body quickly and hurriedly, trying to get the smell to leave the tiny bathroom but nothing works. I give up and let myself slide down the wall and to the bottom of the tub where I bring my knees to my chest and cry.

***

Hours later I find myself constantly thinking about my breakdown in the shower. The littlest things trigger my emotions into a downfall and it sucks because as I stand in Breathe Carolina's bus all I can think about is Alan. So when David grabs my hand and goes to pull me into the back like usual, I pull my hand out from his grip. He stops and turns around to look at me, his face showing nothing but confusion.

"What's wrong?" He shouts in my ear over the loud music.

"Nothing. I'm going back to my bus, I'm tired." I shrug at my lame excuse and he rolls his eyes and shouts a rude 'whatever'.

As soon as I get outside I lean against the door and gasp for air as a lump forms in my throat. I try my hardest to hold it back but I fail big time as tears start to stream down my face. I cover my face with my hands as my quiet cries turn into loud sobs. God, I'm such a mess.

"Austin? Are you okay?" I hear Tyler's voice ask over my loudness.

I stop for a minute and uncover my face to look at him and as soon as he see's my face, he pulls me into his arms and comforts me. I cry out in desperation as an aching feeling makes its way to my heart, making me feel like a big part of me is missing. I know exactly what it is, I felt like this the first few months after Alan's death and I prayed for it to go away. This feeling made me numb and heartbroken all at the same time.

"I'm sorry." I say through cries.

"No, don't worry. Lets go to my bus." He wraps his arm around my waist and starts to walk slowly.

I feel so pathetic. I can't even hold myself together anymore. I'm suppose to be a grown man but I'm sitting here crying like a little girl. I bring my hands to my face and wipe my tears away hurriedly. I can't let myself get like this all the time. He's gone and he's never coming back. I stop walking and I stare at the open field ahead of us.

"What's-"

"He's never coming back." I whisper.

Tyler stares at me and goes to continue walking but I push his arm off of me and I back away. He looks hurt at first but quickly covers it up with concern.

"Nobody told me it would hurt this much." I shake my head and walk towards my bus.

"Austin, please come to my bus." He calls out to me.

I keep walking and I can hear his footsteps behind me. He grabs a hold of my wrist and tries to pull me but I turn around in one quick move and push him away from me. I clench my jaw in anger, my eyes water with tears again and it makes me groan.

"Just leave me alone." I yell.

I turn on my heels and continue my way to my bus where I look foward to laying in my bunk and crying. I hate myself, I hate Alan, I hate Tyler, I hate everyone. I hate Alan because he left me! He knew I wouldn't be able to live without him but he still went and played the hero. That bastard! That goddamn fucking bastard! He's ruining my life.

I swing the bus door open and go inside before slamming the door shut. I hear mumbles from the guys but I try to ignore it before my anger takes over completely. I walk into the lounge and they all look at my red puffy eyes. Phil glances at Tino and I go to ask what their problem is but Aaron stops me by clearing his throat.

"You okay?" He asks.

"Don't start." I mutter in annoyance.

"What do you mean don't start? I'm worried about you." He shakes his head and looks at me sternly.

"Yeah, so? Stop worrying. I'm fine, just leave me alone."

"You know, partying every night isn't actually fine. There is obviously something going on." He snaps.

"Maybe there is but it isn't your business." I remark.

He rolls his eyes and sighs, "What are we to you then? Just a band who makes you look better? You know Alan would be pissed at you if he were here."

Boom. My anger explodes and I go after him. I grab his neck tightly and squeeze, he makes a choking sound and punches me in the face. I growl in anger and tighten my grip on his neck but then Tino and Phil both grab me and pull me off of Aaron. I try to get out of their hold but they keep a good grip on me.

"STOP!" I hear someone yell from beside us.

Aaron slowly looks over, his breathing loud and heavy from being strangled. Phil and Tino soften their hold on me and I stop struggling. We all look at Tyler Carter, his eyes wide and his arms crossed over his chest. He stares at Aaron's neck then stares at my bleeding lip. I watch him intently as he walks past us and to the fridge where he pulls out five beers and gives us all one.

"Stop acting like children. Just shut the fuck up, chill out and relax." He opens his beer and takes a nice long sip.

Many things go through my head at this moment. How dare Aaron talk about Alan? What I do isn't any of their business. Why is Tyler Carter here and how much did he see? If Tino and Phil didn't stop me, I probably would of killed Aaron with my own two hands. Of Mice & Men is drifting apart because of me.

I don't know why things happened the way they did. Like why did Alan have to save my life? Why did my heart have to fail on me? That's where it all started and it made me more angry then I already was. I can't stand being on tour, being on this bus, being asked about Alan, and most importantly, I can't stand being in this band anymore. It brings me nothing but hurtful memories that I'm trying so hard to forget. All I want is for this tour to end so I can have time to myself again and so I can pack my shit up and move to Canada or maybe even England. I just want to be away from anything and anyone who reminds me of my past with Alan. This won't be easy and it'll definitely be a big change to my life, but maybe change is good.