Damey

•1•

Damien's POV

I walk into the Smoffice and a sudden cold breeze passes through me, giving me the chills. I shudder but continue walking. Today could go very bad.... I open the Smosh Games door and hear Joven yelling, "ANYTHING CAN BE A DILDO IF YOU TRY HARD ENOUGH!" wtf is happening? Mari yells back, "SO YOU CAN GO STICK A PRINGLES CANISTER UP YOUR ASS?!" Wes yells out. "OR A GUMMY WORM?!"
(This was an actual conversation between me and a friend in school.)
I speak up. "What the mother clucking heck is happening?" They all ship around to see me while Boze is on the floor, crying and wheezing at the same time. "Joven is being weird." Mari says flatly. "How is it me?! You said for me to stick a pringles canister up my ass. Wait. If I can do it, will you give me $15?" We all started laughing hysterically and Boze was still on the ground. Mari nodded through tears. "Yes. Yes Joven. But you need to steal Ian's pringles." Joven stopped laughing. "Are you serious? I don't want to get fired!!!" Mari shrugged and we all started laughing when Joven got up, huffed, and walked out of the room. It took a while but we all finally calmed down. "Is he actually gonna do it?" I ask, concerned he may actually do it. Wes sighs. "Let's hope not." I sit down at my computer and go onto Slime Rancher, one of my favorite games. Everyone continued playing their own games and talking until the door burst open. "Mari... HAND OVER THAT $15!!!!" We all whip around in fear that he wasn't joking and sure enough.. there stood Joshua Ovenshire, pants pulled down slightly and..... a Pringle canister sticking halfway out of his ass. Wes speaks up first. "Joven.... what the actual hell?" We all burst into another fit of laughter until I heard a gargle through my headphones. I turn around a see an evil slime eating my chickens. "DIE YOU MOTHER GOOSE AND SHOVE A PRINGLES CAN UP YE ARSE!" Mari and Boze start laughing and Wes is now falling out of his chair as Joven waddles around the room and then starts twerking, with a Pringles can up the ass. The laughter dies down. Joven continues waddling around. "Hey Dami- wtf is happening?" Shayne opened the door to see Joven, shaking his rear end at Shayne. The door slams shut and we all hear, "MY EYES!!! THEY BURN!!!" We all start laughing when suddenly, Joven pulls the canister out and places it on top of the cabinet next to the door. We all go back to our games.

————-A LITTLE WHILE LATER———-

As we play our games, another cold breeze passes through me. I blow it off as just a fan blowing because I can't face the truth of what it actually is. They don't know my secret and they won't. I quickly grab the key to my bottom drawer, open it, then close it. Okay. Emergency supplies were there. Wait. I open the drawer again and go over a mental checklist.
Animal crackers? Check!
Apple Juice? Check!
Paci-
"Hey! What're you doing?" I shoot up and slam the drawer shut. I look up to see Joven peering over my shoulder slightly. "N-nothing!" He raises an eyebrow. I start to sweat a bit. "Oh really? Why are you freaking out?" My breathing gets quicker. No no no no no. This is NOT happening! "I-I'm not freaking out. You just scared me. That's all!" I put on my headphones and listen to the music of slime rancher and wait for Joven to walk away. I unlock the drawer again and finish the checklist.

Pacifier? Check
Duck onesie? Check
Momo? Check

I have everything. Good. I'll hopefully never need it but just in case. Suddenly, my phone buzzes.

AngryOven💙:I saw the animal crackers. What for?

I have no clue what to say. I look over at Joven to see him playing Minecraft as if he didn't text me. I huff and run my hands through my hair.
Oh! I've got it!

Me: just in case I get hungry. I'm not sharing.

I hear Joven laugh on the other side of the room and a small smirk forms. I may have a tiny tiny crush on this man......

AngryOven💙: rude.

Me: 😝

AngryOven💙: child.

Me: meanie.

Joven laughs out loud and I start laughing too. Mari looks at us and gives a look of confusion.

AngryOven💙: look. We almost got caught!!! I blame you.

Me: how can you blame me??

AngryOven💙: you made me laugh.

Me: not my fault you literally "Lol'd"

He burst out laughing again and snorted a few times. I started laughing because he was laughing and everyone else was laughing because he just snorted.

Maybe today wouldn't be so bad...