Milady Filacia

9: Frost on The Border

At the end of those cursed summer months I entered Filacia's small, modest maid's quarters without an invite. She was reading, so I waited for her to close the book. She lifted her delicate face to meet my eyes with her periwinkle goddesses, completely blank. Filacia had a way of emotion deluding her. It was a gift I wish I'd had. 

"I never told you. I can have you banished for killing Dolorio. I can have you killed."

She remained silent, her face still, porcelain and uncompromising. After a moment of thought, she spoke. "Now. You wouldn't tell anyone, would you?"

"I would," I said. "I loved him. He loved me. And you killed him. You took him from me. I never asked you to do that. You never should have done it. It's murder."

"You seem to be quite positive about the details of murder." she flashed me that knowing stare. "Petra the goat-keeper is an old woman. She wouldn't be wandering around outside at the dead of the night. And what's more, her vision fails her at the best of times. I was the one who saw you and Arturo in the goat shed that night. I was the one who told Petra, and she spread the word to the rest of the village."

"Why would you do that?"

"What happened to Arturo?"

"He was castrated. He was banished from the village and died in a ditch. The dogs ate him."

"And after the dogs ate him?"

"They shit him out in bushes."

"Arturo is fertilizer. He's tending to the plants. He's doing exactly what he was prescribed to do by your parents."

I'd lost my train of thought. I didn't quite understand what Filacia was trying to say, or if she was on my side or not. I decided that because she had killed Dolorio, and because she had gotten Arturo banished from the village, which resulted in his death, she was against me. Yet I couldn't bring myself to ruin her, to obliterate her to pathetic ashes. She was an enigmatic fairy, to me, the type that even though they were evil had to be preserved at all costs. "How can you do all this?" I asked through clenched teeth and watery eyes. "You're just a kitchen maid. A stupid, pathetic, low-born kitchen maid who isn't even good at her job. What did they ever do to you? What have they done to you?"

By this time Filacia had stood from her seat. She approached me, and I almost ran. I tried to control my breathing as she stood two feet away from me, matching my modest height. "I hold myself to high regard, but I would never kill for me."

"What does that mean?" I said.

"It means that I've had the opportunity to observe many people and their families. You are small. You are sniveling. You are weak. You are spoiled. You are immature. And you are a homosexual. If you were poor, coloured and an orphan you'd be the most vulnerable boy on the planet. Vulnerable people get taken advantage of."

"I was never taken advantage of," I protested. Then, remembering what she had called me, I puffed out my chest and fixed my posture. "And you can't call me weak and spoiled, Filacia. I could have you beaten."

"You're so deluded you can't even realize it." she looked perplexed, pitiful. "I'm trying to save you. You mustn't accept my help if you don't want it, but you can't get rid of it."

"How'd you get rid of Silver?" I asked. "How'd you kill him?"

"Silver was with you long before I arrived. Besides, he never took advantage of you. You and him loved each other."

"I loved Dolorio! I - "

"Keep your voice down," she commanded. "The walls in this house are thin." Filacia stood closer to me and lowered her voice. "Never speak of your affairs to your parents. Never mention the names of your so-called lovers. We will leave as soon as we can. Until then, you must be smart. I must go prepare dinner, now." she slipped past me in the doorway, but I turned for her. "Filacia?" I asked. "Don't leave me."