Love Is A Bitch

Powerless

It had been two days since Sarah had walked out. I was sitting on the bench outside of Whitney's office, lighting up a cigarette and waiting for Ryan to come pick me up. I hadn't seen him since our last hookup, but he'd been more than willing to come get me. I hadn't told Zach yet, and I'd been ignoring his texts about Sarah changing her Instagram username back to her maiden name. I just wasn't ready to deal with that right now.

Ryan's car pulled into the parking lot, and I took one last drag off my cigarette before stomping it out on the ground and getting in the passenger seat. Ryan immediately leaned over and kissed me, pulling the passengers side door shut behind me with one hand as he did so.

"God, I missed you." I pulled him back over for one more kiss before he started the car again.

"Gabe told me about Sarah." Ryan said as he turned onto the main road.

"Of course he did, that fucker." Ryan laughed slightly.

"Look, Brendon, I'm sorry for everything. I shouldn't have done what I did... we're both enablers, and that never ends well, does it?" I fiddled with my wedding band, which I was still wearing. I'd never taken it off during hookups with Ryan or Dallon. It was like one of those things to remind me not to fall in love. Obviously, it wasn't working too well.

"Don't blame yourself for my shitty marriage, Ryan." I brushed a piece of his hair out of his face and tucked it behind his ear, and he cracked a smile but didn't move his eyes from the road.

"I figured you'd say that. Anyway, I'm taking you out for dinner." Ryan said, taking a turn away from the direction of my house.

"What? An actual date, not just doing cocaine in your kitchen?" I asked, my tone laced with skepticism.

"Mhm. I was always a shit boyfriend, wasn't I? Dates weren't my strong suit, but they should've been." I felt a little blush rising up my neck to my cheeks. Ryan Ross was taking me on a date. A real date, not just doing drugs and having sex.

"Well back in the day, we were both shit boyfriends, weren't we?" I retorted. Ryan smiled and took another turn. We were in a nice area of town, and I had an idea where he was headed.

"I mean yeah, you always wet-lipped when we smoked a joint and only lasted two rounds before you were tired and went to sleep." Ryan's eyes were lit up with happiness despite his rude jests. I loved seeing him like this.

"Okay, well to be fair you took my cigarettes without asking and never kissed me back on stage."

"That's because we both had fucking girlfriends, dumbass." Ryan laughed heartily, and finally turned to the place I'd suspected he was going.

It was a little upscale restaurant Pete took us to ages ago to talk about signing our band permanently. The food was nice and the wine was even better, and you could eat on the rooftop garden, which was decorated with lots of lights and mural paintings.

"Well, here we are." Ryan smiled and got out of the car, and I did the same. He held the door for me as we walked in. The receptionist greeted us.

"Good evening gentlemen."

"Evening, two for Ross please?" She checked her reservations and found ours, and led us up to the roof. We ordered drinks first, Ryan got a whiskey on the rocks and I got a glass of red wine.

"Ryan, this is really, really nice." I looked up from my menu at the man seated across from me. He looked so good, god he was beautiful. He brushed his hair out of his eyes and smiled, a little pink tint rising to his cheeks.

"You deserve it. You always did, actually, I was just an asshole." Ryan laughed and grabbed my hands, which were resting on the table.

"I mean, I'm still an asshole, so I think we're even." I drew my hand back when the server approached, and we proceeded to order our food.

Ryan and I didn't drink much at dinner, so afterwards when we got back in his car I expected him to drive to a bar, but he didn't.

"Ry, where are we going?" I asked, running my fingertips across the fabric of his jeans as he drove.

"Santa Monica. It's only like thirty minutes out." I chuckled.

"You really outdid yourself tonight, Ry." I rubbed circles on his thigh with my thumb, and even though it was dark, I could see him smile.

As Ryan said, thirty minutes later, we were on the beach in Santa Monica. It was dark, and we had to climb a fence to get to the spot we were at, which was on top of a small dune, watching the waves and the moon over the water. Ryan had stripped off his jeans and shirt and I did the same, but we hadn't gotten in the water yet.

"So, are you getting in or what, pussy?" Ryan asked shoving me down the sand dune.

"Oh, fuck you!" I laughed as I tumbled down, now sitting on the beach near where the water was. Ryan slid down the dune too.

I didn't feel like a man who was an unfaithful piece of shit, who was probably having a mid life crisis and going to the beach with his ex. Instead, I felt like I was 17 again, and the only thing that mattered was Ryan and our band.

Ryan and I were both in the water by now, it wasn't too cold, it was actually really nice. The moon was reflecting off the water, and we were alone, waist deep in the Pacific Ocean.

"Brendon?" I heard Ryan yell my name over the sound of the waves, and I turned to look at him. I felt his hands on either side of my face, and his warm lips press against mine. I quickly wrapped my arms around his waist and kissed back, biting his bottom lip and slipping my tongue in his mouth. By the time he pulled away, I was ready to leave the beach and get a hotel room. "Brendon, I love you." He muttered, out of breath and flustered.

I felt my heart jump, and my stomach dropped. Out here, under the Santa Monica moon, Ryan Ross said he loved me. And I knew goddamn well I loved him.

He stepped away from me a little and grabbed my hand, pulling me after him out of the water.

"Let's get out of here, yeah?"

"Yeah."