Prologue:
Pseudonym; fern
I actually like my real name! It's one of the few things I take pride in. I'm just paranoid, and I love plants.
There are lines of ferns along the roads of the cheap cabins my family rents for two weeks every year; so, the image reminds me of northern summers summers and long bike rides. I think I need to remember that place more often.
Appearance;
just for a mental picture, looks don't actually matter. Personally, I just like a visual.
Just not my visual.. my face I mean. I'm kinda gross. I've got impossibly low self-esteem. I'm not here to romanticize that, I just need to admit things and talk about myself for once. I tend to hold everything in.
I'll practice here.
I'm enormously tall for my age. As a high school girl, I'm 5'9 and according to my doctor, not done growing.
Yikes.
My fingers and legs are lanky., I have horrible body image, but according to my friends, I'm very slender. I wish I could see myself that way.
I've got light brown hair, with golden highlights. Currently, I'm growing out a pixie cut (think: Winona Ryder wannabe) and frankly, my hair looks wonky all the time. It's not a desirable look lmao.
I have grey eyes, with a rusty lining around pupils. It's not too noticeable until were face to face, at least 6 inches apart. My skin is pasty and pale. Though my skin is generally clear, I look like Troye Sivan in the Blue Neighborhood album cover. (But unattractive)
Art;
Art is my passion. Seriously, every interest, skill, and fault of mine is defined by if it's art related. I use that so loosely because in of itself, art is loose. Loose and undefined, not concrete - those are the things I find perceptible.
Feelings. People and how they interact, personalities clashing and all. I understand why Jodie left home and how her mom is tied into the whole thing, but don't even try to rely on me for simple math facts.
Language. Books. Counseling. Drawing. Music. These are the things I can understand.
I've got multiple learning disabilities. I try my best in every subject at school and every aspect in my life
but due to a chemical imbalance in my brain, I cannot remember what you just told me.
I feel like I'm always putting in so much, and getting nothing out.
This is why my self-esteem is actual garbage. It's because nothing that I can see has shown me that I'm not actual garbage.
Or maybe I'm just ungrateful, which makes me feel even worse.
