rise

infestation.

you make me,

feel like my head is filled with cotton, and my mouth is full of cotton, and

and my torso is filled with cotton, and maybe butterflies,

taxidermied and dry and empty but yet somehow full, airy and daft,

and fluttering sensation all around.

you make, the bad days, into slightly not as bad days.

make my frowns into small smiles and laughter muffled by my hand pressed to my lips,

and maybe I might just imagine the weight of my own skin pressed to my mouth was yours. 

some days when I feel like everything is against me and 

I feel helpless and hopeless,

I get a notification from you and it becomes a little easier.

one thing you'll find when introduced to someone who has nothing, 

is that the simplest things make them so happy. 

pleased with just a simple "how was your day?" 

exuberant with a quiet "i love you" 

and tearful when told they "are enough."

 I am so used to be handled like broken glass, 

grasped tightly and chucked into the black plastic trashbag, tied and all the air pushed out. I stop trying to breath and accept the quiet, and be grateful that at least the space unoccupied is not filled with yelling. 

so when you talk about how you would, take my pieces so gently and put me together with super glue and shaking fingers, you don't even expect a thank you or anything in return. 

you make me feel so fragile, which I hate and love simultaneously. 

and,

when you talk, 

you say that there's a future, you and me, and even better, you say the two together, like "us", like "we". 

call me coming to you

 me coming "home". 

when I tell you about the ugly and made it clear I didn't want pity, you merely replied "I won't pity you because I love you". 

now tell me, is it sad to feel so content and full just because someone seems so willing to accept me as I am?

granted, it has not been that long, nor do you know every ugly part of me,

and sometimes anxiety and disbelief curls in my gut and tells me that it isn't real, that you dont really care for me that much, that I am making a big deal out of feelings one-sided once more,

but I still try to cling onto hope.

after years of going through so many disappointments and mistakes when concerning myself with others.

I have decided to once more let myself be willing to trust, and willing to open my self for possible love. 

after all, not any of the few people I have to come to love after these few years has consumed my thoughts as quickly as you have.

talking so consistently with you, day after day, with our messages full of jokes about love that make my heart start to pound, and longer talks about more serious things, and similar opinions that just make me like you even more.

I know this may probably end, sooner and more abruptly then it began,

so I will cherish every moment with you,

every inside joke and flirtatious comment that colors my cheeks.

because I am grateful for however long I may have you, far too soon for me to be completely enraptured by you, or to be unable t love without you,

my affection for you is simple, and easy, 

and could easily grow to something more with time, I am sure.

I love you.