I feel it at night
The loneliness of my past and present.
Never to be held, or loved, or thought of.
The sad and lonely impression only last so long, soon to be replaced with only the soothing sensation of becoming numb.
Being numb to the pain and the unwilling-ness to go on
This feels at home to me
Better to be an empty shell than a sad soul.
Having to live with myself is the hardest thing I do to myself.
Tired and defeated seems normal as daily life passes by.
You wave at me as you go on.
My heart beats faster, my mind flushed with things to say.
To run to you and tell you what is all up here
Yet I look down in shame, my feet still planted on the ground.
I look up and you are gone, no where to be seen yet always next to me in my mind.
My days grow long and dark.
The feeling of misery and self hate begin to fade.
A warm feeling erupes in my body.
I am home.
