Dear Brother: A Dear Evan Hansen x Be More Chill Stepbrothers AU

Chapter Nine: Connor

Connor's POV

It was a Thursday, and Connor had only learned three useful things in school that week:

1. Evan Hansen was friends with Jared Kleinman. When he had seen them together ton the first day of school, he had hoped Jared was just sharing his annoyingness with whatever unsuspecting victim (in this case, Evan) he could find. Sadly, this wasn't the case. Somehow, Evan, a sweet, socially anxious kid, was friends with Jared Kleinman, a loud, obnoxious asshole. He sat with Jared and some girl, whose name he thought was Alana, at lunch everyday, which made speaking with him difficult. This was Connor's least favorite of the three things.

2. Evan had a brother. Well, a stepbrother. His name was Jeremy, and he was a junior, like Zoe. Jeremy was tall and skinny, taller than Evan at least. It sounded like he was new at school, but Connor wasn't really sure. It wasn't like he payed that much attention to most people. Jeremy was usually hanging around this other guy, Michael. He had dark hair and glasses and was always wearing this red sweatshirt. Connor wasn't quite sure about the two of them, but he decided that maybe he should try to get them to like him. Evan might like him better then.

3. Number three was Connor's favorite of the things he had learned. Evan was in not one, but two of his classes. He had math in the mornings at the same time as Evan. Of course he didn't realize this at first, since he had ditched his first classes on the first day. He also had English with Evan in the afternoon. It was actually his last class of the day. This meant that he always got to see Evan at the beginning of the day, which he loved, and he got to see him at the end, which gave him something to look forward to. Getting to see Evan kept him going throughout the day. It was... nice. 

Connor was thinking about this when someone tapped him on the shoulder. He was annoyed. Couldn't this person just let him be? He spun around asking, "What do you want?"

Connor glared up at a very nervous looking Evan. As soon as he realized this, his gaze softened. "I-I, um, C-Connor? I-it's time to g-go," Evan stuttered. 

"Oh." Connor got up from the desk and slung his bag over his shoulder. He started to walk to the door when he realized Evan wasn't coming. He looked over his shoulder, "Are you coming?" 

Evan looked terrified, but he nodded and quickly walked towards Connor. 

They walked side by side, silently. Evan seemed very tense, like he just wanted to get away from Connor. After awhile, Connor asked, "Are you nervous?" He didn't mean to say it aloud, but he did. He realized that his voice sounded very monotonous, not at all like he actually cared how Evan was doing. He sounded more like he was going to laugh at Evan if he said yes.

"S-sorry. I-I just get n-nervous easily... especially a-around people..." Evan looked straight ahead. He would probably never want to look at Connor. 

Connor tucked a strand of hair behind his ear, thinking. He barely knew anything about Evan... Well, he did know things about him, but not what mattered. He didn't know what Evan liked to do or his favorite color or what he had done all summer long. 

They turned the corner to the library and Evan stuck with him, so he must've been headed there too. He didn't know how Evan felt, but Connor didn't mind that they were headed for the same place.

"Are you going to write another one of those letters to yourself?" Conner asked. Wait. Shit! That was a bad question. Why did he ask that? Was that too personal? Probably for Evan it was. He barely knew the guy!

Evan's cheeks blushed a little bit. "Uh, I-I was going t-to..."

"You're not anymore?" Connor cut in. "What? You're afraid I'll read it again?"

Evan looked panicked and seemed a little shaky. Had that even occurred to Evan before he had mentioned it? Shit. This was bad. "I-I... um, you s-see..." He had to fix this.

"Look, if it makes you feel better, I'll right a letter to myself and you can read it." Wait, what? Had he actually just said that? He had ditched the therapy sessions his parents tried to set up for a reason. And now he was just going to spill his heart out to Evan Hansen of all people? Evan looked skeptical. Connor realized Evan must not believe him so he sat down at the nearest computer and leaned back in his chair. "What am I supposed to do?" He asked Evan. No going back now.

Evan still seemed nervous but he responded, "W-well, you're supposed t-to, um, s-start out with 'D-dear Connor Murphy,'" Connor quickly typed it in. 

"Now what?"

"N-now you write a-about how your d-day was. Or you c-can write about why it's g-going to be a good day. It's kind of l-late, but..."

Okay. He could do this. Doing it without revealing his crush would be... harder, but do-able.

Dear Connor Murphy,

Today was fine (at best!). Classes were boring as always. Nothing happened. Big surprise! I wasn't high or on drugs today. Zoe keeps telling me to stop. At least she used to... she might have lost hope in me by now. Oh well, she'd be proud, I guess. But I might go back tomorrow... or tonight, really. I don't know. 

Connor heard Evan gasp quietly behind him. He must've been reading over his shoulder. "What?" He looked back to see Evan fidgeting and looking... concerned? 

"Y-you shouldn't be smoking drugs."

Connor snorted. "Smoking drugs?"

Evan blushed. "T-that's not what I meant! I-I just... thought m-maybe you would be b-better off not doing that. I mean, i-it's safer. S-something bad could happen t-to you! You could d-die! A-and that would be a-awful!"

"You'd care if I died?" Connor was surprised. He didn't think he meant that much to Evan.

Evan looked startled that he'd ask that. "I-I mean, it would be a b-big deal." Oh. Of course. "A-and imagine how Zoe would feel! Or y-your parents..." Of course Evan didn't feel that way about him. Would anyone feel that way about him? Connor frowned and got back to his letter.

Well, if I'm not counting classes, nothing good really happened. Well, Evan did, but he wasn't about to write that in front of him. Not that classes were that great. No one talked to me. Big surprise! It's not like I have any friends. And it's not like anyone would want to talk to me. I don't blame them. I wouldn't want to either. I'm just an insensitive dick who can't seem to get anything right. I wouldn't know how to get along with people if I tried. It sucks. It's my own fault no one likes me. And I don't even know how to get it right. I don't know how to get it right. How do I get it right? How does anyone get it ri-

Connor felt something on his face. Was he... crying? Oh shit, he was. That was embarrassing. He glanced back over his shoulder at Evan. His eyes were glued to the screen and his eyes were filled to the brim with tears which rolled down his cheeks.

"Shit. I'm sorry Evan. I-um, are you okay?"

Evan wiped his eyes with his hands. "Y-yeah. I-I'm fine, C-Connor."

"You don't seem fine. Usually people don't cry when they're fine, right?"

"I-it's just that, um, y-you seem so alone, a-and I-I... I feel like that t-too sometimes. L-like no one gets me. A-and it hurts. I-I'm sorry Connor. I-I'm really s-sorry."

"No, Evan. Don't be sorry. It's not your fault." Evan made him happy. Why did he feel like it was his fault?

"C-could, um, we be friends?" What? "I-if you want to!" Evan quickly added. 

"I... I would like that. I think. Um, I'm sorry, Evan, I really am."

"No! Don't be! I-I know what it's like to be alone... I just d-don't want that for you. Or a-anyone! B-but having a friend would be n-nice."

Didn't Evan have Jared? Or Jeremy? Or... anyone? If Evan felt alone, he was going to help him. No matter what. He didn't care if Evan didn't feel the same way about him.

"Yeah. I think having a friend would be pretty good right about now."

(A/N Okay, so after I started writing this I realized that Jeremy and Michael had some stuff going on last chapter... and I just threw you headfirst into some feels with Connor and Evan. I swear I'll get some fluff in there soon ;) Please let me know if you like it so far!)