BROKEN HEARTS | daniel howell

feelings

And I'm living off grass and the drippings from my ceiling. But it's okay to eat fish, cause they don't have any feelings.

I was curled up in a ball, rocking back and forth on my roommates bed, my head in between my knees. My emotions were a mess and I was feeling like garbage. I checked the alarm clock on her nightstand.

12:57

I turned my head away and ignored the songs on my phone. They were all instagram notifications from the group chats and private messages where my friends were all wondering if I was dead. I haven't gone on my phone since the day I saw the news story. My eyes had purple bags under them and I haven't showered since that day. I was still wearing the same clothes I was 5 days ago when I first heard what happened.

I was a mess.

I was practicing bathing in my own sweat, stench, and tears. I'm disgusting, I know. My phone began to ring and at first I thought it was another call from one of my friends. But when I checked the caller ID, it was an unknown number, with the area code somewhere in New York. So, I answered.

"Hello, my name is Rosa and I work at Hospital for Special Surgery in New York City. When we checked the patient information for Jynx Salama, and you were one of the emergency contacts. Is this (y/f/n)?" The woman on the other side of the line spoke. Jynx Salama, my roommate, could she be alive?

"Yes, this is she. Is Jynx okay? Is she alive?" I asked, panicked.

" She is alive, however, she has many broken and fractured bones, and one of her lungs failed in the crash. We wanted to let you know that we will have to do a lung transplant, and she might not make it. If you want to, we'd be happy to fly you out to New York to say goodbye if she doesn't." Rosa informed me. I sucked in air and started crying.

When I was able to speak again, I choked out my words.

"Please, please let me see her." I said, my voice shaky. I could feel my eyes starting to water.

"Okay, we can put you on the soonest possible flight." She said, kindly. I smiled sadly to myself.

"Please do." I started crying again after I spoke. My clothing were soaked and stained with my tears. All I wanted was for Jynx to be okay.

"It looks like they soonest flight possible is tomorrow morning, at seven am. Will that be okay?" She asked sweetly. I nodded, forgetting I was on the phone with her.

"That will be fine." I said, after realizing my mistake. I wiped my eyes and runny nose with the sleeve of my sweatshirt. I sniffled silently.

"Thank you, Rosa. I'm so happy that she's alive." I said in between sniffles.

"It's my pleasure." Rosa replied. I sighed and felt a tear roll down my cheek.

"I really needed this good news today. Thank you, Rosa. Have a good day." I told her, my voice breaking.

"Thank you, you, too." And with that, she hung up.

I untangled myself from my curled position and started to walk towards the bathroom to take a shower, considering my face, hair, and body odor. I turned on the hot water and felt it run down my face, chest, and back.

After that, I put on a pair of pajamas and climbed into my roommates bed. I was feeling better now that I knew she was alive. But still, there was a chance she wouldn't make it. Honestly, I didn't know how to feel at that point. But nevertheless, I was able to lie down. I was able to close my eyes. I was able to sleep for the first time in five days.

And it was the best sleep of my life.