Only Yours

24

William's P.O.V

'You can't keep this up any longer, Will. You can't just hate him for no reason.' I am lying on my back on my bed, Jonty sitting on the floor. I've been here for twenty six minutes, ever since Da- Sherlock sent me here, for being 'disrespectful'. I don't care, though. I am never going to respect him again. Not now I know what he did.

'I have a reason.' I avoid the rest of Jonty's statement.

'Why won't you tell me? We tell each other everything.' He pleads. Pleading doesn't work on me.

'I don't want to ruin your relationship with him as well. Now go and eat.' I can smell macaroni cheese. I don't care that I am missing dinner, I don't eat anyway, but Jonty does.

'No. I am not leaving until you please tell me, Will!' I twist away from him.

'Come on. I know it happened...you know. When you were...'

'You don't have to pretend like I'm emotionally damaged by it.' I don't tell him that the scar on my chest has started aching, as it does everytime last December is mentioned.

'Sorry. But what did Mor-mori-'

'Moriarty.' I try not to roll my eyes. We are six years old now. He should be able to speak properly.

'Moriarty say to you? Because it's changed your per-cep-tion' he pronounces the syllables slowly, 'of Daddy dra-mat-ic-ally.'

'Don't regurgitate words you learnt off me, Jonty. Please go.' I put the pillow over my head, waiting for him to leave, but he carries on talking determinedly.

'You don't talk to him. You stopped going with him to the Yard, even though he asks you every time he goes there. You refuse to go anywhere alone with him. You stopped wearing your scarf and trench coat. You even cut your hair!' as he says this, I run my hands over my skull. Last month, an old lady told me I was the spitting image of Da- Sherlock. I didn't want to be. As I couldn't change my facial features, I decided to cut my hair. Now it is choppy and uneven and I hate it, my head is too light and it gets cold easily. I also miss my coat and scarf. Desperately.

'I know. I do all of those things deliberately.'

'But why?' he persists. I have reached the end of my tether.

'Because he doomed our family and endangered all our lives indefinitely. That's why. He-' I enter my mind palace quickly, trying to find the words Moriarty said, 'He lead someone on. And that someone was the most dangerous man on the planet. He was stupid and selfish. That is why. Now go away.' I spit and collapse back into the pillow.

Jonty stays quiet. After a couple of minutes he gets up quietly and leaves.

The strange emotion builds up in me. Papa calls it 'guilt'. I don't get it much, normally just when I hurt Jonty.

Or when I talk to Joseph when my fathers' deliberately told me to never have anything to do wit him again.

I've been sitting here for at least an hour. No one has come to get me. I check my watch; 6:30. The infants will be in bed, Jonty will be having a bath.

Outside, I hear hushed voices. Eavesdropping time.

Briefly, I wonder if I should respect their privacy, like Papa said I should. But I dismiss the idea immediately. No point. Da-Sherlock always said that you must do whatever you can to get ahead.

And that is what I do.

I sneak over to the door, dropping onto all fours and opening it gently before crawling out. I'm banking on Sherlock being distracted by Papa so he doesn't notice me.