The Effervesence of My Mind

What I Went Through

I wanted to feel what you felt when father and mother held you tight and kissed you goodnight

I wanted to feel that loving kiss that created the love and the bond that never took you from your family

I didn't want to sit alone...in my room...with pencils, papers, colors, and books...I wanted the love

The love a mother and father grants their child raising them in a home that feels so safe and warm

A place where family lives and no one is...left alone

I wanted to play with the nice toys you had, and eat the warm meals you ate...and feel the love of home

I wanted to be tucked in at night instead my sister and I always had a fight and nothing seemed to be

what family should be

I laid in the dark...a child with an aching heart...feeling no love...no comfort but the love of my books

I started as a child writing my thoughts out loud because no one wanted to hear what I had to say

No matter how hard I tried I was pushed to the side and shooed away

I would lay in my room at night as the tears ran from my heart down my eyes and soaked my pillow

What should have been love was kicks, hits, punches and bruises...occasional bleeding  and then

there were times...I couldn't even go to school

Many days I sat home alone...all on my own when all I wanted was the love of a family and place to

call home where I felt safe and warm....just like you

But instead I lived in the shadow of the walls that surrounded me...the cold place known as home

where I was always alone and love could never find me

I was jealous of you until I learned to be happy for you because at least...you didn't have to go through

what I went through....

©2014 Ife' Miller All Rights Reserved