(In which Lance is going out with Allura, but Pidge still likes Lance.)
"Pidge, Allura and I are going on our first date!"
I look over to see Lance, who is standing proudly with an excited smile on his face. I attempt to put on a grin like his on my face. "That's great! Where to?" The words are forced out of me.
"To the beach!" He announces, still smiling that goddamn smile I can't get over.
Oh, the beach. A lot of my favourite memories with him were on the beach he loved so much. The beach spot he said he showed only me.
Guess Allura is seeing it too now.
"Have fun!" I force yet more words out. I turn around and walk away as quickly as I can, not really caring if I ended up leaving Lance there confused.
I didn't want him to see my tears.
***
The smell of coffee and baked goods calmed my senses. I was at my favourite local cafe, Voltron Café.
It had been weeks after Lance and Allura revealed to everyone that they were dating. Everyone seemed so happy. Allura seemed so happy. Lance seemed so happy.
I was the only one who seemed to not be. Ever since then, I had been coming to this cafe to calm down. To be alone. To settle down my thoughts. To control my emotions that were so close to spilling out.
It hurt to come with to terms with the fact that Lance, the person I've had the crush on for the longest time, was with someone else. It hurt to realise that what I was feeling, was essentially one-sided love.
I fell in love with him. His personality, his appearance, his lame jokes, his smile, the way we looked at each other.
But deep down, I knew that he liked Allura, not me. It was obvious. He always flirted with her. He always looked at her more than me. Always.
Blinking my eyes furiously, I took a long sip of my coffee. No crying, Pidge. I didn't want to continue crying.
But I couldn't help it.
***
"Pidge!" Lance jumped onto the couch next to me, grinning. "What's up?"
I couldn't stop myself from smiling back. No matter how sad I felt, it still made me happy that Lance and I were at least close.
"Not much," I shrug. "Just playing video games."
Lance chuckled. "You're always playing video games." I shrug again.
We remain silent for a little bit, Lance watching me play Super Mario Odyssey on the T.V. I decided to break the silence. "What do you want, Lance?" I piped up, eyeing him.
"W-What makes you expect I want something?" He questions me, raising an eyebrow.
I had to stop myself from giggling. Him even slightly stuttering proved I was right.
"If you weren't going to ask me something, you would have already forced me to let you play or something. You never miss out on annoying me in Mario." I point out matter of factly.
Lance groaned. "You know me too well, y'know that?" Yeah. I knew.
"So, what is it?" I asked again.
"Well, I didn't want to annoy you about this, but since nobody else will listen to me..." He paused. "Where do you think I should go with Allura for her our next date?"
I fight back a sigh. Of course. Of course it's about Allura. I don't even have anything against her. She's... perfect for Lance. She really is. But all Lance ever talked about was Allura.
Why couldn't he just ask anyone else? It just kept on reminding me over and over, I have no chance. Not anymore.
Instead, I smile. "Keith refused to talk with you again?" I joke. Lance rolled his eyes but slowly nodded.
I didn't want to give an answer, but I found myself saying, "There's this really good cafe nearby. It's called Voltron Café." Lance's eyes lit up.
"That's perfect, Pidge!" He gave me a quick hug. "I'm going to ask Allura now. Thank you!" He ran off.
Before, I would have been ecstatic that Lance gave me a hug. But instead, I didn't know what to feel. I felt like nothing really mattered.
I regretted talking.
Again.
***
I'm such an idiot.
Why did I go? Why did I go? I knew Lance and Allura were going to be there. They were right behind me, for quiznaks sake. But here I was.
I was holding the same cup of coffee, the same way I always ordered it. My hand was shaking as I held the cup. Taking long deep breaths, I focus on the conversation happening behind me.
"Lance, where did you find this place? I wish I had heard of it sooner."
"Well... let's just say, I had some inside advice." Allura giggled, while I for one couldn't help but roll my eyes. "The coffee is really good too!"
I couldn't see it, but I could imagine Lance smiling at her, the grin I barely got to see anymore.
They talked for a while more, me just sitting here and listening. I felt pathetic. Why was I doing this? It was pathetic. I was going to up and leave, but a sentence caught my attention.
"I'll always love you, Allura." I feel my breath becoming shakier.
"I'll always love you too, Lance." Allura replied softly. I feel tears forming in my eyes.
Not now, not now. Please not right now. Not when Lance is so happy. Tears roll down my cheek anyway.
I finally get up, quickly leaving the place. Why did it hurt so much? I knew Allura loved Lance. I knew Lance loved Allura. I knew this!
My tears overflowing now, I finally realised why it hurt so much. I had always been a friend. Those exchanges that made me feel hopeful, the looks we shared that made me feel like I had a chance, weren't actually chances.
They were things... Lance does to everyone.
Oh well, I ended up thinking.
Lance is happy. That's all that matters.
Right?
