dear you, wtf.

28th October 2015.

"i took seventeen shots of vodka and im trying to forget your name but mine was the only name i forgot and sober or drunk, youre the only thing on my mind."

i promised myself i would never fall in love with you. but promises are meant to be broken, right? i promised myself because i knew, that even though i was with someone, you were the one i wanted to be with.

i knew you were in love with me. but i loved watching you get jealous and no matter how selfish or psycho i sound, the hurt you felt made me somewhat happy. knowing that you cared- someone cared was pleasing.

she knew, my girlfriend knew that although she was in my arms i was craving you. she knew that when we were making love, it wasnt the same as the first time we did. she saw the way we looked at each other, the way we smiled at one another. she knew, even before i did. and that's why she asked. look me in the eye, she said. do you love her, she asked. i, of course thought nothing of it and nodded my head with an 'of course'. do you love me, she whispered. 'you know i do' i laughed. you and i both know, that's when i fucked up.

i broke her heart officially a month later, when leaving her for you. we celebrated with a kiss under the night sky, as cliche as this sounds you looked fucking gorgeous with the stars reflecting on you, your hair a mess, your eyes shining with a glint of cheekiness. your smile, fuck your smile. i told you i'd do anything for that smile, and i did. you had me wrapped around ALL your fingers and you used that to your advantage.

i promised i'd never fall in love with you, for the better or for the worse. but it was 3 am, and we were laughing so hard we were crying, i embraced you tightly because i didnt want you to leave. ever. but just as i was closing my eyes to sleep, i heard you whisper the three words that had my heart beating wild.