Violet

Chapter 9: A Sticky Situation

Soon, all of them, besides Violet who was still hiding in the spot Kíli told her to stay in, were put in sacks.

"Don't bother cooking 'em! Let's just sit on 'em and squash 'em into jelly!" William said. They had half of the dwarves on the spit, with the other half (and Bilbo) on the side, planning on eating them later.

"They should be sautéed and grilled with a sprinkle of sage." Bert suggested.

"Oh, that does sound quite nice." Tom said, with his mouth watering.

" Never mind the seasoning," William cried. "We ain't got all night! Dawn ain't far away, let's get a move on! I don't fancy been turned to stone."

Violet's eyes widen, and ran to the cliff. She planned to block the sun at first and then move out of the way so they'd turn to stone, back to the original rock where they were formed.

"Wait! You are making a terrible mistake." Bilbo cried.

"You can't reason with them, they're half-wits!" Dori told Bilbo.

"Half-wits? What does that make us? Bofur asked.

"Quarter wits?" Violet whispered as she went up to the cliff.

"I meant with the...uh, with the...with the seasoning." Bilbo said. He hopped up to stand up.

"What about the seasoning?" the troll asked.

"Well, have you smelt them?" Bilbo asked sarcastically. "You're gonna need something stronger than sage before you plate this lot up!"

"What do you know about cooking dwarf?" William asked.

" Shut up, and let the...uh, flurgerburbur-hobbit talk." Bert said.

"Uh...the-the secret to cooking dwarf, is um..." Bilbo stammered.

"Yes? Come on." Bert said.

"I'm telling you. The secret is...to...skin them first!" Bilbo said, with all the dwarves shouting at him.

"If I get you, you little-" Glóin said, but he was interrupted by being turned.

"I won't forget that!" Dwalin shouted to Bilbo when he had his chance.

"What a load of rubbish!" William retorted. "I've eaten plenty with their skins on. Scuff them, I say, boots and all."

"He's right! Nothing wrong with a bit of raw dwarf! Nice and crunchy."

Tom grabs Bombur, who is in a sack, and dangles him upside down over his mouth, about to eat him.

"Not-not that one, he-he's infected!" Bilbo cried. "Yeah, He's got worms in his ... tubes."

Tom dropped Bombur back to the dwarves in disgust.

"In-in fact they all have, they're in-infested with parasites. It's a terrible business; I wouldn't risk it, I really wouldn't," Bilbo said.

"Parasites, did he say parasites?" Óin asked.

"We don't have parasites! You have parasites!" Kíli cried.

"What are you talking about, laddie?" Glóin shouted.

Most of them were shouting at Bilbo. The poor hobbit was trying to stall them, so he rolled his eyes. They were messing his plan. Thorin saw Bilbo was trying to get them out of it, so he kicked the nearest Dwarf and they started changing their claims.

"I've got parasites as big as my arm," Óin said.

Kíli said, "Mine are the biggest parasites, I've got huge parasites!"