Cold

The Reunion

At about three in the afternoon, Mary finally said that she had to go to town to get more jam and milk, and that she'd be back soon. I could come with her if I wanted, but I shook my head, my voice raw and hoarse from crying for hours. "I'll stay here by the fire." I croaked, pulling the large quilt she put around my shoulders closer to my body.

"Seamus is out chopping firewood, he should be back in an hour or so. Will you be alright? I mean, here, alone?" I slowly nodded, staring at the dancing flames whose warmth never touched me.

Mary seemed satisfied, and with that she said farewell to me, put her coat on and left. I sat there forever, and finally laid my head down to sleep, fatigue and grief claiming control of my body.

When my head hit the pillow I had a strange dream. I was back in the meadow, but this time instead of Lia greeting me and kissing my cheeks, the Apparition was Thomas. "Oh darling I've missed you!" He murmured after giving me one of his bone-crunching hello hugs. "We're waiting for you." He said, and kissed my cheeks just like Lia had. "We can wait a little longer." He sighed remorsefully, and let go of my hands.

I woke with a jolt. The fire had died, and Seamus and Mary hadn't come back. It was dark outside, and very, very cold. Slowly, I stood. I knew what I had to do.

I let go of the blanket, and slid my feet off the couch where I had fallen asleep. Padding barefoot along the wood floor, I fell over once. My legs were weak! I almost chuckled at the thought. I am not usually weak. My chuckle died in my throat as I remembered that this wasn't the usual. By now we'd be back home, I'd be making supper, and letting Lia taste it every once in a while as my secondary chef. She'd giggle as I poke her tummy and say, "My, aren't you a big little girl?" She'd grin bashfully and say, "That doesn't make sense, Mommy." And I would reward her for being so clever with a kiss and continue making supper.

My throat swelled up and tears gathered in my eyes. I would never kiss my little girl again. Opening the door, I found it was blizzarding outside. Taking one small step into the snow, I shivered again as the cold, wet snow met the soft under-arch of my foot. I took another, shutting the door behind me. With each step I grew a little colder, my teeth chattering and my legs clenching up.

But somehow I continued.

Before long I found myself with blue lips, arms, and legs. I couldn't feel any of them anymore, and I kept walking, numb, like my shattered heart. A large sheet of ice was in front of me, and I kneeled on it. "The Lake." The words left my lips, floating away on the wild wind that spun and swirled snowflakes around me. I put my palms against the ice and screamed into the wind. "Lia!" I shouted, my chapped and frozen lips splitting, much like the ice that claimed my daughter. Sobs shook my body as I lay on the ice. "My baby-I couldn't protect you. I promised your Daddy I would protect you!" My eyes were closing, my breath coming in slow. I couldn't feel anything anymore except for the pain imploding in my chest. "I failed." It came out as a whimper, barely audible. My eyes closed and I let the chills and frost take me.

I thought I was finally dead when that blasted deer came again. It came crunching through the snow, and I rolled away from it, dreading my return to the mortal world. Ignoring my obvious discontent at its presence, it nosed its way under my arm a second time, and pulled me up. I groaned, annoyed. "Go away, let me die!" I growled at it, and gasped in shock, opening my eyes in surprise. My ear! I was in my normal clothes again, the blizzard had stopped, and I could hear out of my deaf ear again.

"You have." Someone whispered. I looked around the deer and saw Lia. "Oh, baby girl, I am so sorry!" I said, sweeping her up into a large hug. "I know, Mommy." She said, hugging me back, her small hands hooked in my hair, and my coat hood. I shivered, cold, but less cold than I was before, when that stupid deer decided to wake me up. "Don't send me back." I whispered, and she laughed, a little sob coming out at the end. "I will never send you back, Mommy. I love you."

I hugged her tightly, and kissed her beautiful brown hair. "I love you too, Lia. I loved you from the moment you were born." She nodded. "I know." She grinned. Sarcastic and witty-just like me, but also charming, just like Thomas.

Someone came behind us and said, "My two girls, finally together again!" I looked up at Thomas, and wet, joyful tears spilled over and onto my face. No words were exchanged; I just looked at him and knew everything would be okay.

After the tearful reunion, we grabbed each other's hands, and even brought the stupid deer with us. Stepping out into the meadow, I squeezed Lia's and Thomas's hands, and we all walked forward, stepping towards the bright, comforting light of the sun. We were nearly there; I could feel it. "Wait 'till you see Heaven, Mommy. You'll love it. Grandma and Grandpa are there, they've been waiting forever!" Lia grinned up at me, and I smiled through happy tears. Mum and Daddy are up there. I thought. I'm coming home.

The shattered pieces of my heart were restoring themselves, and I had stopped shivering for the first time in two days. The light was welcoming me, and with each step up I felt a new hope rekindling in my heart.

I wasn't very cold anymore.