Spideychelle - one-shots

warmth

TRIGGER WARNING: This story deals with issues of death and suicide and its effects on loved ones and the community. If you or someone you know is dealing with suicide, please seek help from mental health professionals, suicide help hotlines, the beyond blue website https://www.beyondblue.org.au/or confide in a loved one or trusted authoritative figure. You are beautiful and deserve as much of a fulfilling life as anyone else.

Michelle's POV

now was the time. 

I looked back at the cars racing behind me

nobody seemed to care.

I took another step

I looked up at the buildings above me

nobody there seemed to care either

I put one foot on the ledge

nobody ever seemed to care.

I put the other foot up.

I looked around once more, the beautiful sounds of nature. The people walking around, eating ice cream. the mums shouting at their children. 

I thought about how I wouldn't get to have children, 

how I'd never see the pyramids or the Eiffel tower.

 I'd never get a job, 

never go to college

never open up a small bookshop

never graduate,

never get married, 

never have a love, 

never a kiss,

never a family

 I thought about how my last meal was the leftover mac + cheese I had for breakfast this morning and how I'd dropped a spoonful on the pavement on my way out.

 I thought of my family, too busy to ever notice when I'm not around, 

and I thought of my friends.

 Not that I had any.

 pretty soon I'd be the spoonful of mac + cheese someone dropped on the pavement,

 not even caring about the mess.

 But that didn't bother me

I looked down at the water

I put my hands out in the air

and I leaned forward.

they say your life rushes past you in your final moments.

 But all I saw was an image of my younger sister knocking over my lego house, over and over again. 

I felt my stomach hurdle as the water grew closer.

 I never got a chance to say goodbye to anyone. 

Not properly.

 Not Flash,

 not Betty,

 not Ned,

 and especially not Peter.

 I felt a small surge of regret tingle through my body. 

but it didn't matter. 

there was no hope now.

I closed my eyes

and felt the breeze ruffle through my shirt for the last time,

softly brushing against my skin

until it stopped

and all I felt was 

warmth.

the feeling of life hugging me tightly.

the arms wrapped around me telling me I wasn't alone

showing me that somebody cared.

reassuring me

I'd get to do all those things, I never got a chance to

to see the pyramids and the Eiffel tower

to go to college

get a degree

graduate

get a job

open a bookshop on the corner of the street

get married

and have a family of my own

comforting me

there was a hope for me

and things could get better

I clang onto him tightly, 

his arms around me 

his warmth engulfing me in every aspect.

not only did I have to live

I wanted to

and he let me

softly whispering in my ear,

"I've got you, 

I've got you

it'll all be alright"

I felt myself slowly letting go

"I'm slipping"

I whimpered under my lose breath

"No, you're not,

I'm never letting go of you

not until the day I die,

you have to hang in there for me

it'll just be a little longer

and then we'll be safe"

I opened my eyes

and I was safe.

And He kept his promise too.

he never let go.

that loser

never let go.