Scattered Puzzles

Daytime Moon

I hated myself all this time. It pained that being the daughter I pictured in my mind and being a daughter in real was different. I felt like I was a disappointment to my parents who had high hopes on me. Who trusted in me more than anyone. 

The moment I realized that I can not become the daughter everyone pictured me in, crushed me and shattered me. Maybe I trusted in a useless pride too much. When that high pride was also taken away from me, I had nothing left but a sad looking empty girl that was searching a way to be the nice girl that everyone wanted and admired to be. The perfect student, the perfect daughter, the perfect sister. I lacked all three elements. I had nothing but depression lingering within me.  

That night, I remember the sky I looked up. Weirdly, the sky was bright still yet there was a moon. I remember it clearly because that very moment I told myself that it would be the last time for me to look up the sky. There was no meaning for me to be alive. I believed so because I had nothing left. Strangely, although I was prepared to end my life that day, my heart ached a little. 

I was looked down a huge river on the bridge where cars were passing in great speed. I predicted that it was deep enough that once I sunk to the bottom, drowning would be not a big deal. I searched for different ways to die. I found it ironic that there were so many ways for a human to die. I did not want to cause a scene by my death. The only way I found usable was drowning. After all I was not a great swimmer from the start. I took off bag then the shoes and jumped over the safety bar. Standing on the edge of the bridge, it gave me chills. There was no turning back. I closed my eyes and took the leap. 

"Sorry for my existence"

Then someone whispered to me. "Wake up" 

I opened my eyes and I heard the faint ambulance sound and mumbles of a crowd. I thought to myself "I need to keep his promise." 

*****

I don't have any depression but I just wanted to try writing something short like this. 

I know that out there, there are people who do truly suffer with depression and I am not trying to glorify this feeling. As I said, I just wanted to try writing something that represents extreme emotions. If you are dealing with depression please go and consult with someone. Your life is very important.