withering leaves ❁ yoonmin

XV

February 1, 2014.

Dear Kim Namjoon-ssi,

I apologize for the formalities. You're my brother in every aspect but it just seems right to do it this way.

Your letter was the first I wrote. I don't know why. Maybe because you're the leader. It's always been easy to talk to you. It always will be. You're the type of person who always listens, no matter how idiotic the conversation is. You're the one who'll always be able to give supportive feedback that leaves others crawling with excitement to do better. You'll always be there for us.

I talked to my psychologist today. He told me that I should connect more with others. I should talk with the other members; try to find some semblance of a family relationship in the search for my soulmate. (I don't think I'll ever find them.) So I'm trying my best to do so in the way I know best: writing letters. Writing. Stringing words together to give them meaning. Even deeper meaning than you may think.

I want to thank you. For everything you've ever done for me and for the other members. I wouldn't be who I am today without you. Bangtan wouldn't have gotten this far without you. I wouldn't have lived this long without you. You took my screwed-up life and crafted it into something worthwhile. I love performing, I love dancing, I love helping make music and masterpieces, I love making the crowd feel happy when they see us happy.

You should know, whenever you see the other members crying with joy, whenever you guys get your first win, that it would be because of you. I practically owe my life to you.

There's only one way you'll find this letter. And that's if I'm gone. None of it was your fault. I know you're the type to blame yourself for things like this but know that's not the truth. None of us could have seen it come to this. Except for me. I kind of knew I would never find a soulmate. Call it intuition.

Enough serious stuff: try not to burn down the kitchen too much in the future? Also, don't break Seokjin-ssi's favorite wine glasses. I know he never uses them for anything stronger than diet coke but he still paid a lot of money for them. Make sure the others go to bed at reasonable times and make sure you don't ever doubt yourself. EVER. Got it? Good.

Take care of everyone else for me, yeah?

Love,
You-know-who

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Boy In Luv promotions were steadily approaching. The music video had already been filmed and was currently in post-production. The tracks were being given a final touch-up and practices ran longer and longer each day. Jimin was still forced to sit out of most practices, but all the members made it known that it was not because they were abandoning him or giving up on him. It was simply a safety precaution for Jimin's health.

In fact, a random member stayed behind in the dorm with him most times (it was Yoongi half the time) while the others would touch up the moves and formations. Jimin was still called in every day, but only for voice lessons and language training (to get the thick Busan accent out of his voice). Taehyung, Jungkook, and Jimin had completely stopped attending school in order to focus on the comeback.

The choreography this time around wasn't as complex as No More Dream but it was just as tiring-when the members came home, dead on their feet each day, Jimin felt almost relieved he wasn't required to stay the whole day. He ignored the pitiful looks the BigHit staff sent him whenever he walked into the office. He didn't need them reminding him how hopeless this situation was. He already knew himself.