What depression did to me! WakiyaxRantaro(discontinued)

somebody who cares

I was sitting in class i could hardly concentrate on what the teacher was saying, i just couldn't stop thinking about yesterday. So many things happened, I heard my crush say he doesn't like me and Zac saw the cuts i had on my arm and he also wants to talk to me about it he's probably just pretending to care about me he probably just hates me just like eveyone else i know, it's not like I'm actually worth there time anyway.

School was over and i was on the rooftop with my friends, they were just beyblading I did not want to beyblade with them it's not like I'm any good at it.

i was looking down at the ground from the rooftop if i jumped from the roof it will davenatly kill me, maybe i should just jump down, that will end all of my problems i wouldn't have to deal with people hating me or being bullied or or-........................no i shouldn't think like that or else I'll exualy try to kill myself again but it's not like people really care.

I almost forgot i had to meet up with Zac today, I really don't want to talk about my depression with him but i'm scared that if i don't he'll tell everyone about my cuts. He probably isn't the kind of person who would do that but still i'm scared that he would do it.

I made my way down the stairs towards the exit of the school, I could see Zac running towards me while waving.

"hey Wakiya how are you doing?" He asked me in a cheerful voice, how can he be so casual about this?

"good enough..........should we go to my house to talk, my dad isn't there and all of the maides aren't at my house eather."

"sure!"

Zac's prospective

We were at his house it was really big and it was ferry clean, inside of his house it smells like flowers in the hall was a chandelier made of beautiful white crystals there were white curtains and on the floor laid a red carpet his house is very pretty.

"So we're do you want to talk?" I asked him.

"....in my room, if that's okay?....." he said in response, I could see he is nervous if i was him i would be to.

"that's fine by me." I said while giving him a gentle smile he didn't return the smile he just looked away and kept walking. We we're at his room he opens the door to let me inside. His room was really big it had purple curetains with walls a really big bed with purple sheets a tv a desk with a computer on it and a balcony. We sat down on his bed.

"you probably want to know why i cut myself don't you?" He said while avoiding eye contact with me.

"yes, I'm really concerned about you Wakiya i don't want to see you hurt."

"i cut myself Because......because...... because i am worthless! He yelled at me, suddenly he started crying tears were rolling down his face.

"Wakiya listen to me you are not worthless nobody thinks you are me and your friend we all care for you." I said to him in a soft voice.

"no.....i am worthless b-because people always say that i am they all think I'm a wordless human being! He yelled.

"no you are not worthless!"

"you are just saying that, you don't really care nobody does!" He yelled while more tears were coming out of his eyes.

"OF COURSE I CARE ME YOUR FRIEND WE ALL CARE FOR YOU AND LOVE YOU SO DON'T YOU DARE SAY YOU ARE WORTHLESS!" After i said that it was silent for a while, the only thing i could hear was his silent sobbing until i asked him something.

"this might be a weird question but can you show me your cuts?" He nodded his head with tears still continue to come out of his eyes, he took of his jacket to reveal several cuts.

I gasped in shock there were more cuts than yesterday and on his arms he carved the words fat, pathetic, wordless in his skin, when he saw my shocked expression he started crying even more.

He was crying so much that he was shaking the tears just kept comming out of his eyes, he suddenly huged me. he was crying in my chest, he couldn't stop crying i hugged him back whispering into his ears.

"don't cry it's going to be okay...." That seemed to calm him down a little bit, while i was hugging him I noticed how thin he really is.

"Wakiya have....have you been starving yourself?" I asked him.

"i-i......-"

"are you anorexic?" I said while looking him straight into his eyes.

My eyes met his blue eyes, his eyes were filled with sadness. He looked so tired his eyes were struggling to stay open. like he was going to fall asleep any minute probably because of all the crying.

"you know what you can answer that question later you need rest you look really tired-" When i looked at him he was already asleep, he looks so innocent it made me think how someone so confident could be so depressed and have such low self-esteem.

I quietly laid him down on his bed And laid the purple sheets over him. When i was going to walk away i saw something on his desk a paper that said "things i always told myself"

I read the entire paper when i was done reading it i was in shock how could we not notice how depressed he was, I felt like a terrible friend i didn't notice how he really felt it made me really disappointed in myself.

maybe i should tell the others, no i shouldn't he wouldn't like me telling them something about him that is really personal. When i was going to put away the peace of paper i spotted another peace of paper it seemed to be a poem.

For Rantaro kiyama
My love is like a toy that belongs you,
You could keep, me discard me,
Play with me, but you will never really love me. Everyday i feel pain it's driving me insane. You were always there for me but you could never see how i really felt about you.
I love you but you ignore me,
My feelings for you grow stronger everyday but it only brings me pain.
Everyday i cut myself because of the sadness i felt. I felt pain I felt sorrow and i always hoped it will be gone by tomorrow.
I'm writing you this poem because
I love you so much even if you'll probably never love me.
-Wakiya komurasaki

Wow he really does love Rantaro a lot and hearing him say he doesn't love him just the other day that probably had a really big effect on him, I really feel sorry for Wakiya.

But he can't always turn to cutting himself when he is sad i have to help him no matter what it takes i won't let him go to far with his cutting before he actually tries to kill himself.

Nobody deserve to be in so much pain.

I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter.