Depression: A B.A.P One-shot

Admiration

"Hyung?" I called through the door separating myself from Yongguk. Yongguk has been so blank the entire day. He had no enthusiasm and drive what so ever. It wasn't like him. He was usually full of passion but today, he had been completely emotionless and minimalistic.

Immediately after practice, the latter had retreated to his room and talked to no one. I was concerned from this morning when he didn't eat. He spent as little time with people as he could and it was frightening.

This behavior had gotten progressively worse over the last two months. It had started out with him just going to bed earlier and sleeping later. It wasn't completely abnormal. Sure, Yongguk had a history of lacking sleep but it was good for him. He needed more sleep but at this point, he was sleeping whenever he could. It was concerning. He had started isolating himself emotionally first, then came not seeing the oldest for days.

When I got no reply, I knocked once more. This time there was a very week reply, "Yes?" It was painful how broken and sad his beautiful voice had become.

"Are you okay?" I needed to keep my voice soft. I knew it was a stupid question but I had to initiate the conversation somehow. As the youngest of B.A.P, I have often just been the kid the rest take care of in the eyes of the public but in reality, we all cared deeply for each other. None of us would ever lie to each other.

"I'm fine." Well fuck.

"Please talk to me." I honestly didn't know how to deal with things like this. The thing was, Yongguk didn't sound on the verge of crying. He sounded like he had given up on trying to retain any happiness. That couldn't be a good sign.

"There is nothing to talk about. Go away, I am tired." Oh...that hurt. I just hung my head low and walked back to my room after a goodbye and no reply.

Once I had arrived in my room, I locked the door, turned off the light, curled up and just sobbed for hours. I stayed as quiet as possible but it was so hard.

I looked up to Yongguk like the world and he completely shut me out. He is sad. He is very sad. He is depressed. He doesn't deserve that. He deserves to only be happy. I realized that I could never have actually have him because of South Korea's fucked up society, being idols and the fact that he is straight. I suspected I was gay after I fell in love with him.

I just want him to be happy. That is all I wanted. I just wanted him to be okay.

More sobs filled the room while I just let it happen. It was so painful to watch someone like that fall apart. None of the rest of us have any hope of this is what happens to Bang fucking Yongguk.

I cried myself to sleep that night. And the following night. Most nights until I had no tears left while Yongguk had let the darkness consume him more and more. He would never speak about it. We all knew he was suffering but he decided to act like nothing was wrong when we rarely saw the man.