"WHERE'D YOU EVEN GET THE MONEY for all of this stuff?"
I was standing in Nora's bedroom, in her and her sister's shared apartment. The room was about the same size as mine, which meant it didn't have much space. But what it lacked in square footage, it made up for in decoration.
The walls were white but were not plain. Nora had at least 100 drawings covering one wall, each of them exploding with emotion and color. She had a bulletin covered with polaroids and little sticky notes that contained small poems.
She had a bed that was low to the ground but contained hidden drawers inside of it. There was a small closet in the corner and a body-length mirror on the front of the door.
There, in front of the mirror, I stood, wearing clothes that I had always dreamed of wearing but had never really had the confidence to try.
"I get all of my income from Etsy. I make those cute little figurines that people love; it's a booming business," she explained, picking up a little cookie keychain with tiny eyes, a smile, and rosy cheeks. In spite of all that, it was very realistic. I wanted to eat it.
"But, this is not about that. This about you and raising your confidence. Bottom line is, if you show up to the party wearing this little number, everybody's gonna want to rip it off you."
I'm sure that I paled. "Oh my god."
"I know: it's vulgar. However, it's the truth. I mean, are you not looking in this mirror?"
I turned my attention back to myself. Nora had given me a makeover, and a good one at that. Before, I never would've even attempted to wear an outfit like this, though I've dreamed. She did my hair up, something I never do because I like to put on dad caps just to cover my face. But, she made me up: did my hair, defined my eyes, and stuck me in a skirt. Part of me still wanted to hide because no one had ever seen me like this. Part of me wondered if they would laugh at me because here I was thinking that I could pull off something like this. The other part wanted to be the center of attention and the life of the party. I want them to like me, and that is what scared me.
"Well," I said, turning away from my reflection, "You've done good. However, it's time you do the same for yourself because there is absolutely no way I am going to that party without you."
"Fine,"she agreed, "But only because I want to see people's reactions to my masterpiece. Not because you told me so." I just rolled my eyes at her and scooted her off into her closet so that she could put together an outfit for herself. I took one look back at the mirror.
Not too shabby.
Not to be narcissistic, but I liked what I saw in the mirror. For once, I was looking at myself and seeing someone worthy of anything good. For the first time, I was not scorning my reflection; cursing my body, tearing at my skin, gouging out my eyes, and ripping out my hair.
"Hey, what do you think of this?" Nora asked, popping out of the closet with an olive t-shirt dress, made out of velour. I told her that it was perfect and that it would look nice with tan shoes, to which she concurred.
After she had finished dressing, applying her makeup, and doing her hair, we got back into the car and put the directions to Vanna's house into her phone. I was going to a party, uninvited. I was crashing a party with my newfound friend, and we looked good. She put music on and I let the window down a little, we were having a blast.
I was on my way to crash a party where the other half of my accidental relationship was having fun, carefree and wild as he so obviously was born to be. And then there was Junie, whom I was told that everybody loved. For the rest of the car ride, I wondered who he loved back.
"We're here," were the last words I heard before we stepped through the grand double doors, immediately engulfed in sound and different colored lights.
"There's Sienna!" Nora shouted over the deafening music, "Maybe she knows where everybody else is," she said, taking my wrist as to guide me through the crowd of people without getting lost, which I fear I somehow will inevitably end up alone here.
Sienna wore a black t-shirt dress and a red lip. She had her hair down, the tight curls giving it volume and definition. "I thought you weren't coming," she yelled, "But, I'm glad you did because you guys are gonna wanna see this!"
We followed closely behind Sienna as she led us to whatever the hell we needed to see. Chandelier by Sia was blasting from the speakers somewhere, and that detail is important because of what we saw next.
"Oh shit, I love this so⸺Dean, get the fuck down from there!"
Alas, he heard her not, and continued to literally swing from the chandelier. In this moment, not only was I awestruck and amazed by how someone could be so bold and uncaring of how the hell they were going to get down from that high, but I also realized something important: my first relationship is a total sham.
I accidentally said yes to going out with a guy that I hadn't before seen in a romantic light, which is all due to me not listening.
If anything, letting it go on for this long puts me at fault.
I breathe out a sigh as I feel a presence next to me. He says, "You look too deep in thought to be actually enjoying the party." I know that it's Junie's voice before I even turn my head and confirm the fact. I would try to think of something witty to say, but I just end up deciding to tell him the truth.
"I don't usually get invited to do things like this⸺" He cuts me off mid sentence. "Things like what?" he said, "Have fun?"
"Well, that's not necessarily true. I have friends. We hang out."
He looked at me, then chuckled and looked away like he couldn't believe his ears. "So, what you're saying is that you've never been out of your comfort zone," he stated, halfway into his cup, sipping most-likely spiked punch.
"No, I⸺well, yes. I've never done anything more than go to the gas station with my friends at an ungodly hour, buy pizza, and then go back to whoever's house we were sleeping at. I'm a total wet sock."
I could tell I had said something wrong because he stopped drinking and started coughing, which turned sequentially into laughter. "Wet sock?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Is that not the right term? Should I have used buzzkill or Professor Killjoy?"
Draining the rest of the contents of the cup, he set it down on a table where I assume a vase used to sit. Junie put both hands on each of my shoulders, looked me right in the eyes and said, "Frances Cartwright: you're gonna have a good time tonight or I will...kiss Dean."
I blinked a couple times, replaying that last bit in my head again.
"Wait, so, if I don't have a good time tonight, you're going to kiss my boyfriend?"
He cringed, but shook his head. I asked him why and he replied with, "Isn't it obvious, my dear Francesca? I'm trying to break you guys up!" And before I could say anything to that, or even completely comprehend what was said, he seized hold of my arm and led me to the back of house.
I tossed a look over my shoulder, my eyes scouring for Nora and landing on Dean. I was out of the house and in the backyard before I could place what the look on his face was.
If I wasn't at fault before, I definitely am now because I didn't even feel bad when I chose not to look back.
