Alone - Ghost Eyes

Alone

"That damn Rudolph..."

The boy sat alone at the lunch table, wondering why he was so annoyed, even though this should have been standard for him.

Ever since the incident that caused his siblings to ignore him, Tobias had eaten alone, except occasionally when his brother Mattias would join him, but he wasn't much for conversation. As a result, the boys already stunted social development was even worse when food was involved. The boy simply had no idea how to navigate meals with other people. His father had ingrained manners into him, but no one here seemed to follow them. People would talk with their mouths full, they would be loud, use their utensils incorrectly, and worst of all, they would ask him questions and expect that HE be discourteous in response. Utter madness, and probably sinful too, the boy thought. He made a mental note to ask his father for specific verses later.

Rudolph wasn't anywhere to be seen that day, which was very unusual. Tobias was only just finally getting used to eating with him, and now that he was gone, he felt oddly alone. He and Rudolph would sit every day at the back of the lunchroom, away from everyone else. Rudolph didn't have any other friends, which Tobias was silently grateful for, since that meant he didn't have to deal with additional people. He sat in silence for a few minutes, wondering where he might be. Perhaps, he thought, Carmelo might be giving him trouble again. The last time he had witnessed the bullying, Rudolph said...

It was then that a depraved thought the boy had kept locked in the back of his mind came roaring into the spotlight.

Rudolph was clearly mentally unstable, though he did his best to hide it on the outside, but Tobias knew, at least in part, of the storm that brewed within the blond boy. He had clearly been considering suicide for a long time, but Tobias hadn't considered the prospect of him actually going through with it until just now.

A mix of emotion swirled through the boy in a manner that completely took him by surprise. He had only ever just barely considered him a friend, so why, he thought, was he so terrified of the idea of losing him.

He sat there at the lunch table, alone, eyes in a dead fog, motionless as his mind rushed to rationalize the boys absence in a way that didn't make him feeling like vomiting. Unfortunately for him, it was at this moment that a group of three boys decided to approach his table.

While he hadn't seen them before, Tobias could tell right away where these boys fell in the social hierarchy: The outcasts not weak enough to be subject to intensive bullying, but not nearly popular enough to have any real friends besides each other. They existed in a limbo where they weren't being harmed enough to trigger adult intervention, but they also weren't able to move up in their lives. Truly stuck in their circumstances, and they had their eyes on Tobias.

But now was not the time, he thought. He was barely keeping his composure as it was. His mind was racing a million miles a minute and he simply did not have the mental availability to deal with the kids.

"May we sit? We saw that you weren't with Rudy today, and we wanted to get to know you."

Normally Tobias would tell them to mind their own business and move on, but given his current state, he couldn't even manage that much. He sat petrified, making not the slightest of noises or movements. The boys took his lack of response as permission to sit down, and not a second later they started a barrage of questions.

"Hi! You're Tobias, right?" Tobias started shaking.

"Want to share some of my lunch? I accidentally bought extra." He could no longer feel his legs.

"What happened to Rudy? He never misses school like this." He couldn't breathe.

The boys seemed to loom over him like demons, taunting him. The room shrunk, his mind raced, he wanted to scream out but couldn't form the words. His vision went hazy, the background noise muffling, replaced with a piercing ring in his ears. His skin itched and he wanted nothing more than for it all to end. He could no longer fight it, he gave in and closed his eyes, drifting off.

He opened his eyes with a groan. The floor was cold and hard. Tile, he figured. The buzz of the incandescent bulbs above him filled the tiny room. He sat himself upright, taking in his surroundings. He had awoken on the floor of the school bathroom. Utterly confused, the boy wracked his brain for the reason he was there. He had been in class... then the bell rang... yes, it was lunchtime, he had brought a sandwich today... the lunchroom was crowded like always... but that was fine because he always sat alone with Rudol...

Oh.

A wave of emptiness enveloped the boy.

He sat still, processing. He did his best to keep them at bay, but a few tears managed to find their way. As he wiped at his face, the door swung open with a surprising amount of force. Tobias figured it was a teacher coming to check on him, or perhaps the boys from earlier. Hopefully he hadn't done something he shouldn't have, he didn't want to be punished by father again, today had already been too much for him to handle.

But it wasn't a teacher or the boys. Instead, in stepped Rudolph, with a look of concern Tobias had never seen before.

"Tobias?"

A new torrent of emotions hit Tobias with enough force to stun an elephant. He sat wide-eyed, staring at the boy.

"Rudolph?" he croaked, choking back his emotions as best he could.

"What happened to you Tobias? I heard tha..." Rudolph was interrupted by a heavy blow to the chest; an unexpected hug, from the visibly distressed boy.

"Where were you? You're never absent, I thought that you..." Tobias trailed off.

"Adam was really sick and I... Are you ok?" Rudolph had never seen Tobias like this, he worried that Emilio might have done something to him.

"I just... I... I'm glad you're here." Tobias wasn't sure how to word what he was feeling, but the relief of seeing Rudolph was exactly what he needed after everything that had happened. Rudolph decided not to dig any deeper, instead he offered the boy a hand.

"Here, lets get you out of this bathroom, and you can tell me what happened later."

Tobias hid his face, but took the hand offered to him. Rudolph was alive and safe. They walked out of the bathroom. Tobias finally had a moment to relax. He look over at Rudolph.

Rudolph smiled.

And so did he.