Inside my head

The end of summer

Last time the boy and I talked we decided that we weren't gonna just be friends. We had worked through our problems and seemed to fix everything so we were good. I went on the youth camping trip and seemed to survive. The boy and I hung out a few times though rules said we can't be alone we weren't. But we did end up kissing once when no one was around. Everything on this trip was good. I connected more with my friends and the rest of my youth group. But everything got bad the day we left. The math elite was going through some things and the night when she went home sent sent the three of us messages about how she didn't want to talk to us anymore and wanted some time alone to deal with everything but mine was more. My note said how bad of a friend I was and it wasn't the first time this summer she's done this. She was upset with me because she likes the boy as well so for the past little bit we've been dealing with that. We used to be best friends now everything has changed. Everyone keeps talking about how bitchy she's been and I can't take it anymore , I wanna tell her but she will just get upset and freak out and I can't take that right now, it just seems as everything at the moment has been revolving around her and it's really annoying. They way she has been acting towards the boy and I are also hurting us our relationship. He keeps putting us on a break and saying we should just be friends it's happened four times this summer and it's in again. I know he's going through a tough time right now and the math elite saying stuff like that is making him feel worse.  It's been over a month and a half since the youth trip now and today at this very moment the boy said he didn't want to be in a relationship because he's too young, he then said "god what am I doing" and started crying. Ive been talking with him through everything  idk what's going to happen tonight. He needs a professional to talk to but he doesn't trust anyone. His own father is a therapist but him and his father don't have the best relationship and so he can't talk to anyone but me and I'm just not skilled enough to help him. I wish I could do more but I just can't I don't know how to and it sucks for him and I. And if that's not the worst thing I'm not mentally okay enough to deal with this right now and I just don't seem to get why my relationships are always like this.