Love Notes| ✓

01 | Dear Elementary Crush

Dear Lover,

From what I remember in Elementary school, you were my most serious crush. Well, at that age.Honestly, I didn't know we were going to be close. At least that close. I remember when my mom's friend introduced me to you and your sisters. I remember looking at you and gasped. "We share the same school."
I'm not going to lie, I didn't notice you at school or observed you that much; this explains why I didn't have a huge crush on you until we met.
I remember I returned home that night, I tried to memorize your name. I must've asked my mom 60 times!
I would wave to you at school. I remember when we met at the park again. It was our routine. We meet every Thursday there and hang out every Friday at the mall or something. I remember you telling me "Don't wave to me at school, my friends think I have a girlfriend."
I was upset and mad. So what if they thought we liked each other. They should mind their own business. So every time I see you at school, I would completely ignore you. Just like you asked me to. I wonder how did it feel to get the cold shoulder?
I remember that I've tried to move from you. I remember I did move on. But lover, you weren't only my crush, you were also a guy friend. Can I even call you that? I don't think I wouldn't confess to my guy friend that I liked their friend.  I don't remember how it really went. All I can remember was I told you I liked Yuri. I think the blood drained from your face. I'm not sure. It must've hurt when I told you I liked your friend. I mean for a while I felt like you didn't like me either. I'm not sure you liked me from the beginning either. In fact, I'm not sure if you liked me at all. Why?
You don't know why? Lover, in a way you abused me. I don't want you to sound like a bad guy. But the moment you grabbed by my shirt and started to shout at me, I hated you. I also hated that even after that moment, I still liked you. I still had feelings.
All of this because of some girl that we used to hang out with in the park. Mostly you. I remember how you, her and her brother would play soccer all the time. And I was jealous, okay?! I don't understand why you never gave me attention. I never got my attention. Even after I moved and left you behind. Until I stopped seeking it. I became honest with myself and I didn't care about boys. I wouldn't tear myself up for a boy. For a boy who didn't know what he wanted to do and where were his feelings taking him. I wouldn't tear myself for a boy like you.
Lover, I remember after all the hard times, our fights. I don't think we fought a lot but you would call me a girl. A girly girl. I liked Barbie, gosh I was a third grader! What did you expect?I remember how you forced me into playing soccer. A lot. And made the goal keeper. I hated it. I remember once, I was playing with you and your dumb friends and I blocked the ball and it hurt my thigh. You didn't spare me a glance to see if I was fine. But I still liked you. I remember. I liked you so bad that I moved on from Yuri. I told you that I did.
It was at a friends party when I asked to talk to you privately. You were submissive. I told you that I don't like Yuri anymore, and you nodded your head. I really hoped you didn't show Yuri that there was a potential crush from my side.

Lover, I want to tell you what was my favorite memory of us. It was a while before I left you behind. You already knew I was leaving. I always left a book at my mom's car. I had a passion for reading. I remember the book. It was one of 'The Magic Tree House'. I asked you if you can read it for me. Lover, you didn't hesitate. You grabbed the book and started to read for me. We were in my mom's car, our thighs glued to each other. Almost as if we were the same person. Our siblings were next to us, hence why we were so close in our seating position. I had my head on you shoulder. I felt....happy? I think it was happiness. It felt nice. Do you remember that memory?

Lover! You didn't get to tell me your favorite memory of me. You will never do. These notes won't reach you. I don't intend it to do. Even if they ever will, it would be too late.
If I can guess of any memory that was your favorite of me was when you saw me in that dress. It wasn't a big princess-like dress. It was more of a club gothic dress. It had an Avril Lavigne vibe to it. We were at one of the malls. There were these festivals and we were hanging out there and I turned around in the dress. It had layers. You liked it. I remember you told me to spin for you. Do you remember that?

Lover, remember the night we dropped you off at home because it was the last time we would see each other for a while? The night before I left the country? I remember you asked my younger sister if she had a Facebook. You asked her to add you and you asked if I had a Facebook, my sister shook her head and said no.
I remember seeing your mother cry because of our departure. It was a good friendship. I think you started to tear up but you held it in. Did you cry once you reached home? Locked yourself in your room and cried yourself to sleep because of how much you will miss me?

Lover, I remember when I went into your room. You had a room all to yourself. We didn't  do anything inappropriate, although I though you would when you turned off the lights. I was scared. But you were only showing me your younger sister's doll house as it light up.

Do you remember these memories? I remember your mom said you have a bad memory. I highly doubt you remember these or even me! I'm sure the second I left, you focus was on another girl. Was she like me? Did you treat her differently? Did you treat her better? I hope wherever you are and whomever you pick to continue the rest of life are happy. You deserve nothing but happiness. We all do. So my dear ex lover, do you remember all this?