Love Notes| ✓

02 | Dear Middle School Crush

Dear Lover,

                    I want to say you are my best lover I have ever had. Honestly! I cannot say you were because no man has ever made me feel what I have felt with you. Regardless of how our love was puppy love. Our unspoken love whispered into the wind.
Regardless of how shy we both were. I wish our time was longer. Really! I wish any of us had made the move. I highly doubt we would've judged each other because we were so utterly in love. Don't deny it.
I remember how it was. Sometimes, at the middle of the night I would go back and think about you. How can I forget the best memories of the man that I've loved? I would think about us. How we were, what we could've been if I stayed. I hope you understood that I couldn't stay. I remember I would fight my family. Lover, I fought so hard to go back. To see you one last time. It hurts, I will not lie. But no one said love wasn't painful, no one said it was easy.
I remember, it was when I had recently started middle school. I won't lie, I still hadn't moved on from my elementary school crush. Or maybe I did but I said I didn't to I can keep the boys at bay. Lover, I remember when I was in 6th grade; the boys started to confess to their crushes. A boy had a crush on me! I went home crying that day. I didn't want him to have a crush on me. He was so annoying. Maybe, he grew out of it, but that's not my point. My point is my crush on you.

I remember when I first noticed you. The first time I really noticed you. My mom was late. I don't know what was taking her too long but I was glad that she was late. Because if she wasn't, then I wouldn't have noticed you. Then I wouldn't be writing this about you. I really want to confess this to you. Face to face!
Boys and girls were separated. Well at your age. You were two years older so you didn't share the same class with a girl but you shared the campus with a lot of them. I remember I was standing by the door of the canteen, and your younger brother is next to me. Honestly, I didn't even know he was your brother. I remember you were waving your arms at me. At first I ignored you, I thought you were waving at a friend or something. But then you waved them again. My eyes caught yours as you pointed to the child next to me. I point to him to make sure. I understood you immediately. You wanted me to tell your brother that it was time for you to leave. You were being picked up. I bend down to your brother and point you out. The little chubby boy rushed towards you. Gosh, he was such an adorable kid. You smiled a little as a thank you.
I think we can all agree this was love at first sight. The second my dark brown eyes caught a glimpse of you light blue eyes. I was a goner. I've never seen eyes so captivating before. I wanted to swim in them.
Weeks had passed, I didn't think of it much. It was probably my hormones. It happens when you're a girl at the age of 11. We bumped into each other in a book fair. It was in December.I still had my passion for books. I was with my mom and sister, and you were with your mom. I remember, our eyes met for a split second and I immediately look the other way. Gosh, you looked so handsome as you locked arms with your mom. You looked like a grown man. My sister said you waved at her. I remember I excused my mom and told her I'm going to look for a book that grabbed my attention, but in reality I went back to search for you. To bump into you one more time.

Months had passed, lover, and we met again. At a school event. I remember I had to say a speech. I was so nervous. I looked at you, your deep, breath taking water like eyes! I think I messed it up. I decided to get over you. I felt like that crush wasn't leading anywhere.

So, when I turned 12, my main crushes were on celebrities. I didn't notice you much after. I got busy with studying and swimming training that I didn't pay you an attention. Another year passed. I found out that I really didn't get over you.

It was 8th grade, last year in middle school, I was super excited. One week in, and I complained to my mom that I had problems seeing. It was on a weekend that I found out that I was going to wear glasses. I was so devastated. I remember on of your friends, Ahmed...was it? Mousa was there. They both were making comments on my glasses. They weren't mean. They were definitely flirting.

Weeks had passed and I decided that the new glasses was an opportunity for me to be have more confidence in myself. I did.

Days turned to weeks, and weeks turned to month and bam! I had a weird feeling that something was going on in your class. All the boys in your class teased you every time I was there. I didn't pay it much attention. But I liked it. There was a chance that my middle school crush might actually like me back!

I remember I kept it a secret for a while, from my family and my best friends minus my sister. I remember when I decided to tell my mom. I didn't like hiding something from my mom....unless it was a bad grade. But didn't we all? Lover, you were standing there with your batman hoodie. You always wore it. I thought it was super adorable. Gosh, you played with your hair a lot. I stood in front of my mom and told her "see that boy with golden hair who is wearing the black hoodie"

she said yes and I told her I liked you. She said that she thought you were handsome too. I decided to be honest to my feelings and inform my friends. Just like you probably did.

I remember I told my friend, "There is a secret that I've been hiding for almost 3 years now." I told her and she was pretty shocked it was you. My friends and I had a nickname for you. I wanted to call you batman since you always wore a batman hoodie, but my friends said that would be too obvious. We decided to call you 'rock'.
I don't know why, now that I think about it for a while you were the 'rock' of my life. The highlight of my day. When I had a terrible day seeing you made it better. You have no idea how a crush can change someone's day. Come to think about it, it is kind of scary. You get to pick a person that you feel so comfortable with and you let them play with your emotions.

Another event has come by; it was International Day. I remember I had the tag in my scarf and I went and asked my best friend if she had scissors. "You are lucky I put my pencil case in my bag today."

I couldn't trust myself with cutting the tag nor my best friend so we decided to walk to my mom to do so. On our way back, I saw two of your friends. They were staring at us. It was very weird. I remember they looked up the second they noticed that we noticed them staring at us.

We decided to make it to the girls' section and your friends started to call out your name. I walked fast but I almost bumped into you. I remember our eyes met and you quickly averted your eyes but my best friend said you checked me out.

There were so many chances lover, but you couldn't take the risk. I'm sure you couldn't but was I really worth your time?  I wanna share a secret with you. I searched our horoscopes to see if we are compatible. We are. 

But lover, I bet by now you are in university by the time I write this or maybe even getting your first job! I just want to wish you luck, joy and love. Because every time I saw you, you made my feel that. You were my good luck charm, you were my happiness, and most importantly you were my lover.